Dating an Italian “…Do not buy this flower – it will ruin your date!”
“If you hear an Italian mother call someone ‘Amore’, you can bet it’s her son, not her husband who is the object of affection.” says John, one of our contributors.
With such a strong competition for your Amore, what is dating an Italian like? We asked many locals and foreigners to share their experience.
What do you need to know before dating an Italian?
Italians are much more romantic and hot-blooded than many other Western nations.
According to the online dating site, saucydates.com who surveyed 22,753 of their members on the often debated question: “which nationality is the best in bed”, Italians came very close to the top:
This passion and temperament clearly shows in their everyday life. Thanks to our contributors who also emphasized that Italian dating culture differs considerably from dating in Germany or dating a British person.
Max S. explains you never have a dull moment:
“.. for some people who come from Germanic or Anglo-Saxon cultures it can be a bit too much … with Italian women you never have a dull moment which is both good and bad. One second you’re passionately making out and the next she’s really really mad at you for doing something silly like looking at another girl in the street. I guess Italian girls reflect a lot of our culture in general which is to show our emotions. They let you know when they’re happy and they let you know when they’re not. In comparison with Anglo or Germanic women, I would say that Italians in relationships are more dependent on their significant others. Germanic women are usually more independent and don’t always tell you what they feel. It’s usually you trying to find out.”
Walter T. describes what it’s like to date an Italian girl:
“What is it like to date them? Easy, as long as you give her everything. I don’t mean money or materialistic possessions. I mean all of you. Your time, your attention, your mind & your body. At least while you’re in each other’s company. This is not one-sided, she will do the same, and you will be each other’s whole world.“
At the same time, Italians are very traditional:
Alessandro S.
“Italians are traditional folks and southerners are even more traditional (wives are frequently seen as home + cooking + kids) so even when they speak out about being modern and accepting female emancipation, down under, inside, in the depths of his personal history he has been likely influenced by a profoundly patriarchal way of living.”
Who initiates?
Alessia S. shares her experience of dating Italian men:
“A man will always approach you first, you will never be the one who tries to catch their attention. Unfortunately though – experience is talking – some of them will take their time to make sure that you really like them back so you should try to be as friendly and open as possible with them.“
First date do’s and dont’s
1. Bring Flowers
Generally speaking, Italians are very romantic. So, bringing flowers for the first date is very common.
Eva T. shares an interesting fact:
“Flowers are always a good thing. Keep in mind that in Italy, chrysanthemum is a flower you bring to the cemetery. So, bring a rose, tulips, sunflower, or anything else but not a chrysanthemum. It will ruin a date”
2. Man chooses the place
Italians like food, and the most usual place for a first date is a restaurant or cafe. However, be ready that a man is responsible for choosing the place and booking it. Don’t find it sexist, it is seen as good manners in Italy (known as galanteria).
Eva T. emphasises the importance of food in Italian culture:
“Another important thing is cooking. Knowing how to cook can win any Italian’s heart, which is true for both guys and girls. Preparing a dinner for your date may also be a good idea“
This feature is also common in French culture (check our post on how to date a French).
3. Expect deep conversations
Be ready for deep and long conversations even on the first date. Let’s look at what our contributors think about first-date topics:
Jonny B. explains:
“Italians are more likely to be skilled in conversation. Their whole culture really values the ability to hold the floor and speak well. Italians, again in general, are much more concerned with food. They are trained from birth to enjoy, consider, and discuss food. When I’m among Italians, there is about a 1/3 chance that a conversation will veer into food.“
4. Don’t talk about your ex
Italian women do not want to hear about your past relationships, so it’s better to avoid that topic.
Eva T.:
“I don’t wanna know about someone’s ex, so never start a such conversation. You “don’t have” any ex while dating an Italian! :)”
5. Don’t expect physical intimacy
Don’t expect physical intimacy after the first date. Even though, Italians are known for their “hot blood”, any hints to stay over would be seen as offensive and rude.
Georgio R. advises how to act after the first date:
“It would be nice to ask her to take her back home. Don’t let her go alone. She’d appreciate it.”
First Date Ideas
1. Cinque Terre
Grace Roberts from Pixie Dust recommends Cinque Terre for a romantic date:
“Cinque Terre is a string of charming fishing villages along the Italian Riviera, and it’s certainly one of the most romantic places to visit in Italy. It’s equally suitable for honeymooners and couples on their first vacation together.
You can start your exciting journey in Cinque Terre by walking through the suggestive alleyways of Riomaggiore. This quaint village is packed with colourful houses that are precariously perched on the surrounding rocks. You can easily spend hours milling around the central streets and stopping for scoops of uber-creamy gelato if the scorching Italian rays start wearing you down.
If you’re searching for something more substantial than ice cream, swing by the elegant Ristorante Belforte which is tucked inside a medieval watchtower. The ambiance here is utterly serene, but it’s the jaw-dropping views of the Mediterranean that’ll have you coming back for seconds (or thirds)!
Don’t want to shell out for a full-blown meal? Grab a serving of Focaccia Genovese from Il Fornaio di Monterosso while you drink in the incredible sea views from every angle.
To walk off the endless plates of pizza and pasta, check out the beautiful Blue Trail that runs from Monterosso to Riomaggiore. This well-marked 11km hike runs through all five villages in the area and takes approximately four hours to complete. Oh, and you can easily steal a kiss or two amongst the sprawling olive groves and fields of flowers!
Ah, to be young and in love.
Whatever you choose to do in Cinque Terre, you’re bound to agree that it’s one of the most romantic destinations in Italy that’s worth a few days of anyone’s time!“
2. Lake Como
Una from Wandernity suggests lake Como, and we could not agree with her more. Even George Clooney has a house there!
“Lake Como has long been a popular destination for honeymooners and romantics. If you’re looking for a truly romantic break, here are three things you can do at Lake Como.
First, take a cruise on the lake itself. There’s something about being out on the water that makes everything feel more romantic. And with the mountains providing a breathtaking backdrop, it’s an experience you’ll never forget.
Second, take a funicular from Como town up to Brunate overlooking the lake. Again, the views are simply stunning – and it’s well worth braving the crowds for. You can go on a romantic walk and reach the Volta Lighthouse for more scenic views of the famous lake.
Finally, wander around one of the many pretty towns that line the shores of Lake Como. Each has its own special charm, and there’s plenty of opportunity for finding small waterfront restaurants serving traditional Italian dishes and wine. What could be more romantic than a dinner with a lake view?
3. Ischia
Amber from Amber Everywhere recommends Ischia:
“Ischia is an island off the coast of Naples, and it’s the perfect spot for a romantic Italian getaway. There are so many romantic things to do in Ischia, from visiting a 5th century BC castle to watching the sun set over the ocean. Located near the more widely known island of Capri, Ischia is a destination that feels more local and related, offering a glimpse into everyday life in Italy.
For a perfectly romantic day, start by wandering from the ferry to the Aragon Castle of Ischia. You can wander around the castle grounds for a few hours, exploring the interesting historic sites and breathtaking views. When I visited in 2022, I even saw a couple get engaged from one of the castle’s terraces that overlooked Ischia’s harbour! After you’ve had a chance to explore, take a relaxing break and sip espressos or Aperol spritzes while you look out over the water.
Before you head back to the ferry stop, go for a swim in the sea near the castle entrance. On a warm day, you’ll see couples and small groups lounging on the volcanic rock slabs along the road to the castle. Afterwards, try a gelato from Pasticceria Trani – a scoop of lemon sorbet is the perfect way to end your romantic day in Ischia.“
You might want to know…
Unlike the American dating scene, in Italy, the couple is exclusive from the start.
Andrew S. explains:
“Exclusivity is the norm, the concept itself doesn’t really exist because it’s a given. If you ask a person out multiple times, that person automatically thinks he/she has all the cards to officially be your partner.“
Marriages in Italy are generally few and people prefer to live in civil unions rather than get married. In any case, there is one common characteristic that unites all Italians: the great influence of family members on their personal life.
Lily S. explains the role of the family in relationships:
“After marriage, it was normal for you to go to live in the home of the family of your husband or your wife, you had to help his-her parents in their work, you had to take care of them when they were elderly and in in return they had to help you with your children, they had to help you economically and they had to give to you in inheritance their possessions. Italians have always lived together with their parents during adulthood. And you can not erase the historical and psychological bond that unites Italian parents and children, even if couples now live in their own homes after marriage. Traditionally and culturally Italians never abandon their parents.”
Meeting Family
Highly likely family has a great influence on your Italian partner. So, meeting family members can be a big deal.
Giorgio T. explains:
“Italians care a lot about the relatives’ approval of their partner. After things have become more serious, it’s time to introduce the new partner to the parents. Keep in mind that we are much more attached to our home and that many of us refuse to leave it even after graduation!“
Relationships between mothers and sons are often very tight in Italy. It might be strange and unusual for foreigners, but absolutely normal on the Apennines.
John K.:
“I have to mention mamma. Italian men can be overly attached to their mothers… I think it is more complex than that. “
As a result, relationships with in-laws are something you should consider while dating an Italian man.
Susan D.:
“Be aware that the classic Italian mother-in-law can be very demanding. You may find a very helpful person beside you or the person who’s just there observing every step you take. If mom doesn’t approve of her (even adult) child’s relationship, things will get extremely uncomfortable!“
We hope that our post about dating an Italian helped you understand their culture better. We would love to see your thoughts in the comments below!
The idea of deep conversations during dates can be overwhelming. Nevertheless, it can be helpful sometimes.
What a fun post! Lots to bear in mind if I am ever on the hunt for a Latin lover!
I once dated an Italian man who was a lot more modern than this with major commitment issues but he was definitely very attached to his Mum & his family. An interesting read. Thankyou!
What a fun post! One of my best friends married an Italian, and there is alot of truth here. The deep conversations are my favourite.