American Dating Scene “…almost guarantees to get someone out on a date”
Did you know that owning Crypto may make you more desirable on the American dating scene? Well, if you did not, not to worry! In this article we collected a lot of life-changing facts like this!
How is dating in the US?
The United States has a larger immigrant population than any other country. One in every eight people was born abroad! Hence the American dating culture could not be any more diverse.
Levander S. shares her experience:
“In my experience, dating expectations here vary widely depending on what region you’re in, the political climate you’re in, your sexual/romantic orientation, if you’re monogamous or not, and what sort of relationship you’re looking for.”
But in our opinion, this video sums up the American dating culture perfectly:
The Bible Belt
Even though the USA has culturally very mixed areas, it sees a split between the “Bible Belt” and the rest of the country.
Levander S. explains:
“We have a region called ‘The Bible Belt‘ (the south-east part of the country) where people tend to be more conservative in their values and commonly have more traditional relationship expectations. Relationships in these areas often have an emphasis on gender roles where the man is expected to initiate and pay for things more.”
Bruno C. shares his surprise about American dating culture:
“I’m from Spain and I was shocked when American women here make you pay on dates.”
West Coast & Major Cities
Levander S.:
“The west coast and major cities tend to have more progressive values. It’s more common for the bills for dates in these areas to be split 50/50 or for couples to take turns paying for things. Initiative expectations are more commonly based on the individual rather than gender roles in these areas”
Katya K. views in general irrespective of location:
“I think if you’re online dating, the first date should always be split equally when the bill comes, because both people are “dating” by volume. If a man I’ve met in the real world asks me out, I expect that he will pay for the date. I have no idea if I represent the views and beliefs of most Americans regard to dating.”
Who initiates in American dating culture?
Taking an initiative is no longer exclusively men’s prerogative.
Daniel H.:
“Men will love it if the woman takes the first step, I know I do. It is almost guaranteed to get someone out on a date if that happens. Women on the other hand feel that men are supposed to make that step. This can lead to confusion and missed opportunities to meet the one.”
Morgan K.:
“…another thing to consider is taking the initiative. A lot of people assume men should do this, but it is becoming more common for women to also take initiative. Some people don’t like this and some do. It’s all about feeling the person out and how they act when you do and say specific things (try testing the waters with some gentle conversations about how they feel about specific situations).”
When it comes to mentality people often describe American dating culture as “too cold” or “too pragmatic”.
Katya K.:
“I agree there is a lack of gallantry and romance attached to American dating… So when I date, I look at a man in terms of his “value add.” What does HE bring to the table that adds joy, love, fun…warmth, adventure, etc. into my life?”
First Date Ideas
Meeting at a local coffee shop for the first date is strongly engraved in the American dating scene.
However, while talking about favorite activities and date locations, people also mention axe throwing, billiard bar, paddle boarding, bar lounges, bookstores, wine bars, parks, etc. So, outdoor activities are also on this list – just like if you are dating a British or dating in Germany.
Jessica Schmit from Uprooted Traveler:
“In the United States, first dates have historically followed a fairly predictable formula- dinner, cocktails, and a movie- or some combination thereof. But with the rise in the popularity of online dating, first dates have gotten a bit more creative and tailored for the two people going on a date. Perhaps you both enjoy a podcast that’s having a live recording? Or, alternatively, if you’re both interested in hockey, maybe you can check out the team in the city you’re visiting?
If you aren’t readily able to find some sort of date planned around a common interest, your best bet is going to be to plan some kind of activity you can do together, instead of the old dinner date formula. Doing some kind of activity will help mitigate the potential first date awkwardness, but also can help foster a quicker bond, by having a shared experience.
Stuck on “activity” date ideas? Whether you’re visiting Sedona, Sioux City, or St. Louis, one of the best first date activities can be hiking– you’ll have plenty of things to observe, experience, and talk about together- just make sure to go on a popular trail and at a time it’s busy for safety purposes!
Another awesome date idea is an escape room– you’ll be able to see how you solve problems together and be able to chat about clues (and celebrate your escape!) over cocktails after.
Want something a little more lowkey? Try finding something like a trivia night at a bar– you’ll have plenty of time to chat, you’ll be able to see if your interests align, and you can see how you guys work as a team.
No matter what you do, don’t feel like you’re beholden to the formulaic “classic” American date- there’s a lot better ways to get to know each other!”
Morgan K.:
“Really depends on the person. Are they an outdoor or indoor person? Do they like adventure or relaxation? There are a TON of parks in Austin or botanical gardens and caverns nearby (Zilker Park, Longhorn Caverns, Colorado Bend State Park, greenbelts, Pedernales Falls, Lady Bird Johnson Lake/Wildflower Center, etc). Or try an escape room (maybe not for a first date – maybe 3rd). What about a winery or brewery tour or food tastings? There’s also kayaking and paddle boarding and lots of hiking in the area (Mount Bonnell is short with great views).”
First Date: Do’s & Don’ts
Let’s look at some of the do’s and don’ts of the American dating scene:
Katya K. shares her advice:
- “Don’t talk about your ex or how you’re “struggling” in any way shape or form (unless you have a cast or are on crutches and it’s obvious you’ve just hurt yourself).
- Don’t tell me I’m the first person you’ve gone out with since your last relationship. Don’t tell me you’re married or separated “but on your way out of a commitment” (it’s shocking and pretty disgusting how often this happens!!)
- Don’t pepper your conversations with status symbols, it’s vulgar (for women to behave this way as well).
- Don’t step into a date with pre-conceived assumptions about the other person that you are subconsciously trying to validate.
- Do talk about your interests and passions.
- Do see if your date can engage in a conversation– not just taking turns speaking about oneself. Do ask each other questions.
- Do be gracious, thoughtful, and true to yourself.
- Do focus on similarities rather than differences.”
Morgan K.:
- “Don’t opt for anywhere overly expensive or somewhere that looks unsafe, remote, or unpopulated.
- Don’t agree to meet up on a first or second date with their family or friends (this doesn’t allow you to really connect or focus on one another and be yourself outside of their safety nets).
- Don’t talk about how awful your day, week, month, year has been or how much you dislike your job or a certain person or family member.
- Do talk about your likes/dislikes, your goals and life ambitions and other small talks. It really depends on the person, but I have personally noticed a lot of people basically like small talk and not deep conversations until you talk about that one thing they are personally passionate about.
- Do keep an eye out for how the other person treats those around them. Especially servers at a bar or restaurant. Do they say “please” and “thank you” to their server? Do they tip well (anything less than 20% of the bill for an excellent service is personally a turn off unless things are financially tights – and if that’s the case, then going out to a fancy diner means that they might be bad at managing money or are trying to over compensate – or a number of other things). Also see if they have etiquette. It could just be me, but I have slowly started to observe that so many people do not understand or know basic dining or public etiquette”.
Romantic Relationships in the USA
Be ready that your American boyfriend/girlfriend will not be giving you 100% of their attention, at least in the early stages of your relationships – in this sense, very similar to dating a Swedish person.
Morgan K.:
“A lot of life for Americans is very fast paced for many. So constantly being involved with something (especially sports – football or baseball) is common. Especially among friend groups. So that’s something to prepare for. And that doesn’t always mean that it will be an outdoor activity.
Work here causes A TON of stress as does our healthcare system and the cost of life in general. So those are things to keep in mind. This doesn’t affect everyone the same, but a lot of people do struggle with it. So never expect that whoever you may end up with will have a perfect job and decent healthcare through their job and never expect that they will take 100% care of you.
It should be a teamwork dynamic where you support one another for it to work out the best. It’s something you and the other person should talk about to find out what works best for your relationship and lifestyles.”
Dating Apps & Dating Sites in USA
Most popular dating apps and dating sites are:
- Tinder
- Bumble
- OKcupid
- Hinge
- Happn
Books on American Dating Scene
Aziz Ansari: Modern Romance
Thank you for reading our article! Hope you found it informative. If you have questions or experience dating in the USA, let us know below! We read them all!
FAQ's
The American dating scene is not only culturally very mixed (one of every eight people were born abroad!) but you can also find a great divide between the “Bible Belt” and the rest of the country. In the “Bible Belt” (the south-east part of the country) people tend to be more conservative in their values and commonly have more traditional relationship expectations.
The west coast and major cities tend to have more progressive values. It’s more common for the bills for dates in these areas to be split 50/50 or for couples to take turns paying for things. Whereas in the “Bible Belt” the man is expected to initiate and pay for things more.
Meeting at a local coffee shop for the first date is strongly engraved in the American dating culture.
However, while talking about favorite activities and date locations, people also mention axe throwing, billiard bar, paddle boarding, bar lounges, bookstores, wine bars, parks, etc. So, outdoor activities are also on this list.
I think these do’s and dont’s would apply almost everywhere these days. Loved reading the post. Paying half of the bill amount is something I feel should be done without any hesitation by the women.
Great information! As an American, I find this to be really accurate!