Dating in Germany: “…it is normal for a woman to make the first move”
Did you know, when it comes to dating in German culture, it is normal for a woman to make the first move? …and this is not the only thing they do differently!
What do you need to know before dating in Germany?
To start with, there are some differences within Germany itself:
Juliane S.
“There actually are cultural differences. In the North they say people are more distant and cold, in the West (Rheinland) there is a big culture with Karneval (carnival), and people seem to be more loud and outgoing. I find it hard to describe the south, although I grew up there. Maybe it takes more time to get in touch with people but when you got through to them, they are warm and friendly. In general, I do think that it is true, that Germans are very direct in their communication. It is possible that it will be taken up as rough. But it is actually so diverse that I would just say go and enjoy it.”
Suncica S.
“Generally, protestants are more relaxed regarding dating and sexuality, radical Catholics might have some concerns. It’s hard to generalize a country as diverse as Germany. In the end, it comes to an individual experience.”
Many people point out that the mentality and dating in German culture is somewhat similar to the USA. We couldn’t agree more! Also, you will many similarities to dating a British or dating a Swedish person.
Tom C.
“Germans in my experience are quite direct and cold. English people and Americans get on with them quite well”
Who initiates?
When it comes to dating in Germany, there is absolute equality when it comes to making the first step.
Judith B.
“In Germany, men can be passive and it’s normal for a woman to make the first step.”
Chris G.
“As a German man, I don’t make a lot of moves. If you feel interested tell me. Not into misinterpreting being nice with flirting.”
Here is an interesting observation from a Mexican woman:
Dani R.
“I remember I decided once to do a ‘social experiment’. I was sitting by a window and just started smiling at every single person that would walk by, most guys were sort of shocked as they would either smile back awkwardly and many of them just continued walking and then returned a few seconds later like they were super flattered that a girl was smiling at them :)”.
You may find flirting with Germans difficult. Most people don’t flirt or smile on the street or in public places. It contrasts with dating in Brazilian culture or dating in Spanish culture, where people are more open with strangers.
First date with Germans: Do’s and Don’ts
Karen Chow from Mahalo Music Mag who was married to a German shared her experience:
“When it comes to dating, there are a lot of differences between German and other cultures. Here are some things to keep in mind when planning your first date with a German.
- Germany is known for its efficient and organized culture. This extends to dating as well! If you’re interested in dating a German, there are a few things you should keep in mind. First, be on time! Germans value punctuality and it shows that you respect their time.
- Second, be direct! Don’t beat around the bush – Germans appreciate the straightforwardness.
- Get ready to talk about politics and current events. Germans love to debate and engage in thoughtful conversations, so come prepared with some topics of conversation.
- Don’t forget your manners! Germans are very polite and will appreciate your good manners.
- It would be nice to arrive with a small gift in hand. While the gift doesn’t have to be expensive, it should be thoughtful and reflect the interests of the person you’re dating. For example, if you know your date is an avid reader, you might bring a book that you think they would enjoy. If you’re not sure what to give, a simple bouquet of flowers is always a tasteful option. Whatever you choose, don’t show up empty-handed – doing so will send the wrong message and likely ruin your chances of a second date.
- There are a few things to keep in mind when it comes to what to wear. For starters, Germans tend to dress quite formally for social occasions, so it’s best to be on the side of conservatism. That means avoiding anything overly casual, like jeans or t-shirts. Instead, opt for nice slacks or a skirt and blouse. When it comes to shoes, avoid anything too flashy or high-heeled – comfortable, classic shoes are your best bet. And finally, remember to pay attention to your self-grooming.
By following these simple tips, you’ll be sure to make a good impression on your German date!”
If it went well, there is one thing to keep in mind: unlike in the USA, Germans would not date several people at the same time!
Public displays of affection
Public displays of affection (PDA) are a lot less common than in southern countries such as Italy, Spain or Latin America. You probably won’t see it much, even if you are with friends.
On the other hand, many people are totally comfortable with it.
Thomas B.
“Holding hands, and kissing in public is totally ok… Why not? “
Who Pays The Bill On A First Date?
Germans usually split the bill, but this doesn’t always apply to everyone.
Ginger K.
“There are two kinds of people in this world: those that appreciate the straightforwardness of splitting the bill on dates and those who think it is a great insult against their existence:) “
Simo E.
“If it’s a date with a German man do not expect that he will pay for you. You pay for your things and he pays for his.“
Staying equal in all spheres of life, including finances, is an essential part of dating in Germany.
Dating in German Culture:
First Date Ideas
It’s quite common to have the first date somewhere outside – not in a coffee shop or restaurant. Especially since COVID-19.
Ehab S.
“Suggest a park by the water. Had my first German date and we bought along a bottle of wine and 2 glasses and talked while sitting on the Spree river.”
Yasmine Z.
“I think that with COVID, first dates changed a lot. Before it was only in bars or coffee places. With COVID there was more nature spots. Like a walk in the park. But I think that it’s not the best option because you can’t really look at the person in the eyes or see how they behave (like how do they interact with the staff at a cafe, do they stare at other people and spy on their conversations instead of looking at you and listening to you).”
Mariana from Road Trip Euroguide recommends:
Renee of Dream Plan Experience shares her thoughts on an ideal romantic destination in Germany:
Take the Panoramic Road or Panorama Weg trail for its stunning views of Monschau from its elevated stone terrace. From here, explore the 13th-century Monschau castle where you can venture higher still to enjoy panoramic views of this picturesque town.
You may end your day wandering in the market square full of tiny bistro tables and chairs just begging you to stop and sit awhile. I recommend visiting the traditional kaffee und kuchen where apple strudel is on every menu. This pretty little town is straight out of a fairy tale and there’s no better romantic spot than right here.”
Starting a Relationship
“Ich liebe dich” (“I love you” in German) is probably the most intimate, heartfelt and sincere thing to say in German. It´s a big thing, people won´t say it unless they mean it. And even if they are totally in love, they will likely not say it often. “Ich liebe dich” is usually saved for the very special, meaningful moments in life.
Dani R.
“One thing I did find in common of the 4 German guys I dated is that they are not overly romantic. I actually quite liked this, they’re not “cold” but rather they don’t tell you things they don’t mean just to get you attached (I find this quite common in Latin American man, like they’ll sweet talk you and it’s all not true).
I really liked knowing that when they told me something romantic (even if it was very sporadic), it felt absolutely wholehearted.“
Moving in together
It is not common to move in together very fast. Normally Germans wait longer. Although it does occasionally happen especially when people are in the „settling down“ phase – which usually occurs in their late thirties in Germany.
Furthermore, marriage is not as important as in many other countries.
Introducing the family
Unlike in many other cultures, like dating in Chinese culture, meeting the family in Germany does not mean anything special and does not say anything about the seriousness of the relationship.
Thomas B.
“I’d say it’s not so important … it’s more like .. “Hey mum and dad here is the one person I’m investing a lot of time into at the moment. She is my girlfriend. Might be your future daughter in law .. or not” … Who cares? I care about her”
Popular Dating Apps in Germany
Parship.de – is the most popular dating site in Germany. They focus on serious relationships, have a balanced gender ratio (50/50), and control fake accounts through their ID-checking process. Furthermore, the sign-up process includes a very detailed personality test with nearly 100 questions that helps you find your soulmate.
Elite Partner – focuses on academic singles (over 70% of users have university degrees) who are interested in long-term relationships. They also vet all applicants to ensure they suit Elite Partner.
EDarling – they are not focused on a specific customer group, so anyone is welcomed. It has nearly 3 million users.
These three dating apps are paid and are available only in Germany.
Germans also love global dating apps like Tinder, Bumble and OkCupid.
Thank you for reading our article! If you have questions or experience in dating in Germany, let us know below!
Very interesting article. Thank you for the insights!
Interesting article! I lived in Frankfurt for a couple of years. Germany is a beautiful country with hospitable people. I’ll never forget going to Munich’s Oktoberfest and wandering around a packed beer tent looking for seats. A table of locals invited my husband and I to join them 🙂
What an interesting read! I enjoyed the different perspective!
Very clever idea for a post. Some points are just plain common sense in any country, others you would not know unless reading a post such as this. Nice work.