12 Tips to Date a French – “Apparently we were a couple … I was like oh??”
There’s nothing more awkward than trying to have “the talk” after seeing someone for a few months, just to find out they thought you were a couple already! This is exactly what can happen if you date a French and what happened to one of our contributors, Jenna. So, we asked many people to share their tips and experiences to save you from these embarrassments.
What do you need to know before dating in France?
1. Romance is crucial
Almost everyone we interviewed emphasized that French people are focused on a healthy good life with happy relationships. Friends and family around them are priorities. Romance is crucial.
Susan P. shares her thoughts on the French mentality:
“The dedication to the sensual pleasure of all sorts (food, wine, music, poetry, sex….) seems to be something they develop heavily, encouraged by their collective culture. If you come from a culture that doesn’t put much value on that, it can be wonderful. Like if you were conditioned to put most value and focus on work, self-discipline, integrity, moral steadiness, and intellectualization, this can be like a breath of fresh air that is invigorating.”
2. There is No “Guessing Game”
Celie S. tells us:
“In general, I can agree they are more pushy, not always in a negative meaning. Personally, I liked the forwardness compared to Scandinavian men who are more laidback. I hate the guessing game and enjoyed more straight and direct conversations.”
3. Traditional, but aren’t
Monica S. shares her experience of dating a French man:
“I dated a Frenchman for almost 3 years. I hate to speak in generalizations but will share my personal experience. Deep down, surprisingly traditional and conservative (although he didn’t consider himself so), quite macho, and wanted to make the rules and set expectations. They still have expectations of their women to play the womanly part and be protected by their men…Also extremely charming, generous, and witty with off-the-charts flirting skills.“
“The younger generation of professional men in France are open to women being astute, brilliant, and having a ‘forte personality’. At the same time, lots of French men tend to be intimidated by North American women who are successful entrepreneurs, multi-faceted, etc… Maybe it’s just a man thing, but more evident in France though.”
4. Women have the power
Bharathi M. on Quora explains the role of women in relationships:
“French women have all the power when it comes to dating. She decides whether she wants the guy or not and needs more than one dinner to make her mind [up] on him.“
5. Flirting is the norm
Flirting is socially accepted and quite common in France. It is a crucial part of French dating culture.
Éléanor S. explains:
“I would say it is a normal and deeply enjoyable part of daily life. Flirting with a stranger in a supermarket? Why not? It’s in our genes!”
French women usually enjoy the attention and like to be admired by men. Playful exchange of remarks, smiles, holding eye contact – all these may confuse a foreigner. These could mean that the person likes you but also an innocent “game” that often leads nowhere.
6.Who initiates is not so important
French women tend to ask guys on dates as much as the opposite. However, the traditional scenario when a man is approaching first is still quite common.
Charlotte S.
“French women for the most part enjoy being asked out in a straightforward and tactful manner because it shows maturity and self-confidence. They don’t really like playing games, even though, as you will know, every woman is different.”
First date: Do’s and Don’ts
It’s hard to have a successful date without understanding the dating etiquette. So let’s look at the areas where things can go wrong..
7. Being “Fashionably Late”
Unlike dating in Germany, punctuality is not a thing in France, especially when it comes to dates. It is common to be “fashionably late”. They even have an expression for it in France “le quart d’heure de politesse” that literally means “quarter of an hour of politeness”. So, don’t be offended if your French date is a few minutes late, it is not seen as disrespectful in France.
8. Talking politics is not a taboo
You might be surprised, but talking about politics is not taboo in France and people enjoy discussing both local and global events. So, scrolling through the latest news is not a bad idea before your date in France 😉
9. Women often split the bill
Many French women will insist on splitting the bill. However, chivalry is not dead. French men may open doors for their girlfriends, help to put their coat on and bring flowers.
Anna C. doesn’t expect it, but likes if he offers it:
“I would never expect a man to pay on the first date, but I do like if he offers to do so, because then I know that he is not stingy. Then I can offer to split. If I really liked him I would accept that he pays, because then I have a great chance to return the favour and ask him out the next time! :)”
10. First kiss has more importance
Generally speaking, there are no strict rules. However, keep in mind that kissing on the lips in France has more importance than in other Western countries. It could be interpreted as an agreement that you are starting an exclusive relationship.
11. Exclusive from the start
Relationships happen organically without “the talk”. Jenna explains the differences between dating in France and the USA:
Jenna W. explains the core difference between American and French dating cultures:
“The one big difference was here in America it’s a big deal to ask a girl to be your girlfriend. It might and usually includes small gifts but you still specifically ask ‘Will you be my girlfriend?’ Well, that wasn’t the case. He asked at some point if we were exclusive and when I said yes apparently that meant we were a couple 
. He used the word girlfriend later to refer to me and I was like oh?? It worked out in the end but for a while I was really confused by our status. We still laugh about it when I told him we specifically ask in the US so he jokingly asked me formally many months later.“
Linda J. had a similar experience compared to Sweden:
“I found it interesting how when you date a French man you automatically become a couple after like 3 dates whereas in Sweden it’s always taken longer time and more dates before you define you’re a couple.“
You can check out our post on dating a Swedish person to see the difference.
12. Introducing the Family takes time
It could be some time before you are introduced to their family and friends. You shouldn’t take this as a bad sign, though. It is more down to the fact that men and women prefer to keep their dating lives private; especially in the initial stages of a relationship. However, you can assume that once they do invite you to meet their family and friends, the relationship became serious.
However, the family influence is not so strong as while dating an Italian man or woman.
First Date Ideas & Getaways
In France, the first date usually takes place in a coffeehouse or even at a nice restaurant. However, the youngest generation prefers less ordinary activities. Furthermore, France is rich in marvellous sightseeing and breathtaking views. We collected some recommendations for popular romantic destinations in France.
Mont Saint Michel
Victoria from Guide Your Travel shares her suggestion of the perfect date spot:
“I would definitely recommend Mont Saint Michel. It is an incredible island located off the coast of northern France. The island consists of small alleyways and a beautiful abbey and some buildings date back to the 8th century. There is a small selection of hotels there, so you can stay on the island. Also, there are of course some cosy restaurants where you can have an incredible time together. Furthermore, the views are beautiful, especially from the upper parts of the island. Spending at least a few hours wandering around and maybe even having a romantic meal with a view would be a great idea. For the ultimate romantic trip definitely stay on the island and maybe go on a walk around the tidelands around the island which are dry for most parts of the day.”
Dinan
Eloise from MyFavouriteEscapes.com recommends:
“Dinan in Brittany (northwest of France) is among my favourite romantic destinations. It is one of France’s best-preserved medieval towns where it feels like time stopped centuries ago. What could be better than a pleasant time spent together wandering the cobbled streets of the old town centre? But it’s only one of the best things to do in Dinan for a romantic getaway. The port on the Rance River, with its sailing boats and the viaduct in the background, gives even more options for an unforgettable date. You can hire a small electric boat to take your loved one for a romantic trip on the peaceful river in beautiful natural settings. You can also go for a walk together along the path next to the river for a quiet time or along the ramparts for stunning views.
Plus, there are many restaurants in Dinan, near the port or in the heart of the old streets, to taste local specialities surrounded by lovely half-timbered houses. “
Montmartre
“Paris is quite possibly the most romantic city in the world, and one of the most romantic spots in the City of Lights is Montmartre. Montmartre is a beautiful hill set in the 18th arrondissement of Paris that overlooks the city and is perfectly positioned for watching the sunset. Atop the hill, you’ll see Sacré-Cœur, a beautiful white church that’s visible from many vantage points in Paris. The energy in the air at Montmartre is electric, and you’ll be surrounded by others who are eager to soak up the sunset.
For a romantic afternoon, choose a perfectly relaxing activity like wandering through the Jardin du Luxembourg or sitting for a picnic in Champs du Mars. Then, head to Monmarte to watch the sunset from one of several vantage points – I prefer the steps at the very top of the hill or the grassy area about halfway down. You can bring a bottle of wine to enjoy while you relax in Montmartre, but be sure to buy a twist off or bring a wine bottle opener with you.
On your way back to the city streets after the sunset, walk down the hill towards the beautiful antique carousel – a perfect stop for a final photograph in the dwindling daylight.“
View of the sunset in Monmartre:
Nice
Denise from Chef Denise recommends visiting Nice:
Thank you Denise:
As you can see, the French dating culture differs from other Western countries, particularly if we are talking about the American dating scene or dating an Australian. So, if you date a French take these into consideration.
Hope you enjoyed our tips to date a French. We would love to know your thoughts in the comments below, or any extra tips you might have!
This was such a fun read! It’s exciting to learn nuances of different cultures. Thanks for sharing these insights!
Your posts are so much fun to read.