Now that you are aware of the differences in dating cultures and clues to identify them, let’s look at the differences in the goals of dating: fall in love vs. get married.
Across cultures, we have very different goals when it comes to dating. Some cultures date to fall in love others to get married.
This is partially due to gender equality / inequality differences and it reflects in our dating culture.
Dating to fall in love
Cultures, where there is higher gender equality, date to find love.
In these cultures women often have a good education and for nearly equal years than men do.
Women can look after themselves financially and rarely rely on a man as the provider.
In these cultures, men and women date to fall in love. If there is love, then they will eventually start thinking about marriage (but the main goal of dating is to fall in love).
Which cultures date to find love?
Dating to fall in love is typical for Western countries.
Both in American and European Style Dating Cultures.
Dating to get married
In cultures where they date to get married, there is usually a gender inequality between men and women. Furthermore, there are often defined gender roles. Men are the financial providers while women are often housewives (or also expected to fulfill those roles).
These cultures usually respect the elderly (and especially the man of the house). In many of these cultures, getting married is part of making the parents (mainly the father) proud.
As in these cultures men are financially responsible for their wives and family, if a daughter is not married, often she will be the financial burden of the father.
Which cultures date to marry?
Many Asian and African cultures with either people oriented or mixed time & people oriented dating cultures often date to marry.
It is especially typical for time & people oriented dating style.
However, as the gender inequality starts to slowly disappear, this is gradually changing. These cultures are more and more looking to find love.
Age of getting married
Countries who date to fall in love, they often marry later (mid-late 30s is not unusual). This is because there is a gender equality and women often focus on their studies and stay in school longer. This will allow them to contribute (close to) equally when it comes to finances. The higher educated they are, the higher expectations they have when it comes to finding a partner.
On the contrary, cultures where they date to get married, tend to marry younger. In some cultures it is as early as 13-14 years old, but many of these cultures consider 28 the oldest ‘limit’. After that age women are considered to be a leftover (eg. China or Vietnam).
In many of these countries the family will try to get their daughter to marry as early as possible.
How does it affect dating?
In cultures where they date to fall in love, they often focus on:
- finding out more about the other person
- finding mutual hobbies and connections
These cultures tend to marry later, after a few years into a relationship. 2-3 years is often the minimum.
In cultures where people date to marry, they often focus on topics such as:
- each other’s job
- education
- each other’s family.
This is partially because in many of these countries women are expected to move in with the husband and his family. She will need to care and cook for them. Therefore understanding more about each other’s family is important.
These cultures tend to marry fast. The purpose of going into a relationship is to get married. Therefore they often marry within 1-2 years. Often within 1.
Therefore if you are dating someone from a culture who has a totally different purpose for dating, keep these differences in mind. Don’t get offended if they seem to ask more about your family than about you or the other way around. It can be often cultural.
I hope you liked this article. Have you ever been on dates where you felt the conversion topic was very different than what you are used to? That seemed to be cultural? Let me know in the comments below!
Now you know the most important basic differences. In the next three steps, we will look at the most common ways culture can ruin what could have been otherwise perfect: personal space, what to do and talk about on a date and finally what to wear on a first date.