7 Rules of Dating in Spanish Culture (+Spanish Dating Apps)
Did you know you shouldn’t ask someone’s job or discuss career on the first date if you are dating in Spanish culture? Or if you do, you will be labelled as “Pesado”? In this article we will look at what it means and what other dating rules you should be aware of.
What do you need to know before dating a Spanish person?
Life in Spain is about “working to live” NOT “living to work”. People here value being present and enjoying the moment. This approach impacts how they date and build relationships.
Furthermore, our contributors emphasize that Spain is quite open to international dating.
Milos Z. tells us:
“What is absolutely great about dating in Spain is international dating. Only New York, London, Tel Aviv and Dubai have as vibrant and as dynamic a dating scene of all cities where I either lived or spent extended periods of time. What’s good is that this international dating scene is well spread out all over Spain. It’s not limited to several or single major city.”
Dating a Spanish Woman
Michael S. gives a short but precise characteristic:
“Strong temperament, independent, not expecting others to carry heavy stuff for them, change their temper as fast as no time, emotionally rely heavily on “friends” and “family”. And not submissive.”
Teo M. shares his experience:
“As a Spanish guy, I’m fully convinced that our females are very sensitive and temperamental that sometimes you don’t know how to handle the situation… they say yes when in the reality is NO and vice versa… be careful guys!“
You might have a similar experience if you are dating a Mexican.
Dating a Spanish Man
While discussing dating in Spanish culture, our contributors pointed out that machismo culture is also present in the Pyrenees. However, it’s less expressive than in Latin America, and little by little the traditional gender roles are becoming the past.
Frederick W. tells that a Spanish man will appreciate it if a woman initiates:
“Is it bad to confess feelings first to a Spanish guy? As an American man who lived in Spain in the 90s, I found my Spanish male friends to be incredibly open and expressive emotionally. On subsequent trips back to Spain over the years, I have seen other examples of this emotional maturity in Spanish men, and it seems to cut across social class. So yes, I think your honesty and courage will be respected.”
Spaniards vs Latin Americans (+ Who is Hispanics?)
Assuming that Latin American culture is the same, or similar, to Spanish is a widespread misconception.
Spaniard is a person from Spain, while a Latin American is an inhabitant of Latin American countries (both Spanish- and Portuguese-speaking).
Spaniards and Latin American people are of different heritage and cultural values, even though they have some common roots. Hence, the dating culture is also different.
Dwayne J. explains the notion of ‘Hispanic’:
“Hispanic” is more accurate linguistically when referencing people with a Spanish speaking ethnicity heritage, given that it is an umbrella term for a vast array of country origins that are racially diverse and culturally distinct from one another … indeed, the Spanish language is the only common denominator between them all.
If you are interested in this topic you can learn more in this video or here.
7 Rules of Dating in Spanish culture
Follow our hand-picked tips below to make your dating experience in Spain successful.
1. Conversation etiquette: Don’t be a “pesado”
Don’t ask someone’s job or discuss career on the first date. You shouldn’t talk about work straight away unless your partner is really passionate about it. Otherwise, you will be seen as a “pesado” which means “to be intense/strained”. People in Spain are more oriented on having a good time together, so don’t make it feel like a business meeting or job interview – as if you were dating in Korean culture.
Sebastiaan B. tells that social status is not so important:
“I am Dutch and living in Spain... I have found that they don’t talk about job/money because they are more interested in you as a person…I found that usually it is seen as an attempt to judge or categorize you as a person. Here in Spain, they could not care less. They may ask about your job only because they like to know what you do. They will like you equally if you are a manager or sweep the streets. As long as you are a good person of course“
You need to be ready that your Spanish partner may be getting really really loud while talking. This may be awkward for someone of Eastern descent, where raising voice is considered rude (like Dating in Chinese culture). Don’t misinterpret the loud conversation, it is normal.
Almeida
“We can be impetuous and “excited”, all wanting to speak at the same time but also be heard. Despite the difficulties of life, it is joyous to be alive and to speak the language we love. So…let us ‘shout’ to everyone;)”
Christian W. gives an interesting hypothesis:
“We have to talk faster to get the same amount of information across at the same time because Spanish has a lower information density than e.g. English. And since speaking faster means faster breathing and a higher pressure during your speech it’s rather hard not to have an increased volume as well.”
This cultural trait even has a scientific ground, so don’t be offended by that! 🙂
2. Who pays the bill?
On a first date with a Spanish man/woman be ready to split the bill, just like you would if you were dating in Swedish culture.
Marianna F.A.
“In Spain, we’re used to splitting the bill when eating out with friends, acquaintances and even our significant other. Everyone pays for their own food. When a few people order a certain dish or tapas together, most of the times only the people who ate it or asked for it pay for it.
There are some instances, though, in which someone insists on paying the bill by themselves, but that’s becoming rarer these days …“
3. Public Displays of Affection
PDA is accepted and very common in Spain – unlike dating in Germany.
Ricardo C.
“Spaniards are very affectionate people and show this by way of physical contact. Note that this doesn’t mean anyone can just come and start fondling you out of the blue. Because we have a relationship-oriented and inclusive culture, where belonging and hospitality are very important. Physical closeness and direct eye contact is our way to tell you that we care and that you are welcome.
This is very much so in all the Mediterranean countries as opposite to the more task-oriented, well planned and individualistic cultures of North Europe.“
Thomas H. points out that even strangers may be closer than anywhere else:
“Body distance is closer than in a lot of other countries. Don’t be surprised by the physical closeness of people. Two kisses – one on each cheek is standard for greetings, between women and women, and men and women.”
4. Exclusive from the beginning
Carlos D. tells that dating several people at once is not common in Spain, like it is when dating a British.
“Spanish women are less likely than US or UK women to be in a mutual game of dating multiple partners at once. After family time, friend time, and work time, there’s not much left for dating multiple people so if she’s only dating you, she’ll expect that you’re only dating her.”
Physical intimacy after the first date (or even a couple of dates) is not common.
David S. compares Spanish and Irish dating cultures:
“Irish man here. In Ireland when we ask a woman to go for a drink it means a date and possibly a bit of ‘you know what’ afterwards if you are both up for it. While a Spanish woman sees going for a drink purely as socializing … However, they’re very friendly and well suited to Irish personality“
5. Perception of Time: Forget about Punctuality
Being late on a date is not seen as rude. 15 min is generally the time of courtesy. People treat it with understanding and are not frustrated by it. With that being said, being late is not frowned upon as much as in Germany, Sweden or USA.
Surely, it’s only a generalization and couldn’t be applied to everyone.
Another odd thing about Spain is getting used to their times. Up to 2.00 pm is morning, from 2.00 pm to 8.00 pm is afternoon and from 8.00 pm to 12.00 midnight is night. So, if you are planning a date keep it in mind!
6.”Mañana” attitude
As a continuation of the previous point we need to mention the “mañana” attitude you should be aware of if you are in a relationship with a Spaniard.
The word “manana” means “tomorrow” in English. This is a Spanish term for procrastination.
Anna F. briefly explains it:
“We believe that if you put things off, it may turn out that some of them really didn’t need doing. 🙂 It’s in our blood.“
It may be frustrating or at least strange if you are used to American culture and like things to be done on time. Well, once you fall in love with a Spanish person, you may better learn to take things easier and relax.
Another famous thing about Spain is the siesta. No, Spaniards are not taking a nap at the office, and generally speaking, the siesta culture doesn’t affect the corporate life of big cities. However, in rural places, it still has a significant influence on everyday routine.
7. Family Ties
Just like in Italy, the family is the most important aspect of most Spaniard’s lives.
Spaniards may live with their parents longer than their peers in English-speaking West. Sometimes three generations may live together with grandparents!
In any case, be ready to see the family of your significant other quite often. Having family dinners on weekends, and spending holidays is not rare. Despite the urbanization of Spain, people are still trying to preserve their family and friendship ties.
Valerio G.
“Spanish people are prone to preserving their family ties. That means preserving some ties to the hometown they grew up in, the hometown of their parents or even their grandparents or some family, since very often rural exodus was relatively recent in Spain. That town may often be a small town or village, they usually call that town “mi pueblo”, they may often go there to visit some family during some holidays, and then local people will recognize them as part of a local family, strengthening those bonds. So, this is really about the importance of family in Spanish society.“
The food culture is tightly intertwined with different aspects of social life. Almost surely, your Spanish in-laws will be generously treating you with delicious food no matter whether you are hungry or not. However, our contributors advise to accept it no matter what 🙂
Marina D. :
“The other thing is to accept any wine or cava if it is offered. If you don’t like it or are tea-total and say no you’ll spend years trying to explain you really don’t like it and really really don’t drink booze, no matter how much people do here. Best just to accept it and pretend to take a few sips.“
Spanish Dating Apps
The top 5 apps in Spain are:
- Tinder.com
- Badoo.com
- Bumble
- Liruch | España – is open for people of all age groups, social statuses and sexual orientations. The registration process is simple and straightforward, but it may result in fake profiles. Besides messaging, it also has a webcam chat.
- iDates – Chat, Flirt, Singles – it is one of the free Spanish dating apps, that is more popular among people under the age of 35. However, there are no age restrictions. Also, suits people who are looking for same-sex relationships.
We hope you enjoyed our article on the 7 rules of dating in Spanish culture. Please let us know your thoughts in the comments below!
That is such an interesting read and fun way to get to know the Spanish dating culture! Thanks a lot for sharing this 🙂
Morning up to 2 pm? Wow!
I love the fact that people there try to keep their family ties intact.