Dating a Kiwi – In New Zealand culture only allowed to express emotions when…
New Zealand is an attractive tourist destination that amazes with its pristine nature and adventure sports. Besides all its beauty, you may ask how easy it is to integrate into its society and dating a Kiwi? So, today we will talk about dating in New Zealand!
What do you need to know before dating in New Zealand?
New Zealand is an incredibly diverse place in terms of beliefs, culture and traditions.
Sam Y. tells us about ethnic diversity of New Zealand culture:
“We are a blend of 2/3 European and 1/3 Maori, Pasifika, Asian and other cultures, and this makes us a 1/4 twist different from other European cultures.
Maori language and terms are used a lot, and understood. We are slowly evolving into a South Pacific society, rather than a European one.“
Many of our contributors emphasise that Kiwi’s national identity is shaped by the ‘larrikin‘ personality which comes from the first European settlers. It makes their values and mindset close to the Australian culture.
The country is not densely populated. There are barely 5 million inhabitants scattered across the islands. It’s less than the population of some megapolises (for example, Seoul on its own is home to 9 million people!). New Zealand has a vibe of a small town – which also has its impact on dating life.
Candice L. tells the story of her family:
“My husband is kiwi and between him and his brother and his cousins, there are 9 different countries that their spouses have come from! I always tell his family (all of his 36 kiwi cousins) that they had to leave NZ in order to find someone they weren’t related to
.”
So, if you are a foreigner in New Zealand you may get a lot of attention because you will be seen as new blood 🙂
Sanjeet H. says that Kiwis are more emotionally reserved:
“If you’re from a culture that is open about feelings and emotions, it can be difficult to understand some kiwis who are pretty closed off.”
Peter C. compares New Zealanders with Americans:
“We are more laid back and reserved on the South Island than in the North…lol…But the biggest thing here in New Zealand is we don’t really judge by colour…for most of us Kiwis it’s more about personality and compatibility than anything else…well me anyway. Just cause we don’t express ourselves as much as Americans, does not mean we are not interested, we are just not overly emotional as American guys are so we won’t go chasing someone hard out or tell you every 5 mins how stunning or hot or beautiful you are just so you can feel good about yourself…you should anyway.”
New Zealand is more open to interracial relationships compared to other countries (for example, dating in South African culture is still quite reserved on that matter). Furthermore, almost half of all Kiwis consider themself atheists, so highly likely religion wouldn’t be an obstacle for them.
Dating a Kiwi Man
Lily L. says that a Kiwi man will not shower you with compliments and attention:
“They are not most types of guys that used to many flowery words when dating. Sometimes they are a bit emotionless. But I can assure you they can be sweet. With or without religion they are good people, I mean the majority as there is still a bad egg same as other countries. Coming from an Asian Catholic married to a Kiwi guy with no religion.”
David W. points out that men usually don’t show their emotions:
“Just about all New Zealand men are really relaxed. We tend to go with the flow. We love to laugh, have a good time and don’t take ourselves too seriously. Staunch, stoic and only allowed to express emotion when the All Blacks [NZ’s rugby team] win or (rarely) lose.
Our dress style is very casual, mind you so are New Zealand women.
That is what a typical New Zealand man is like in my opinion.“
Dating a Kiwi woman
David W. shares his thoughts on dating in New Zealand:
“Single New Zealand women behave like men. They will not hold back one bit letting men know exactly what they want sexually from him. Most will have no problem letting the man know that is on their mind.
When you get into a relationship with a New Zealand woman, you will find that most are loyal and will not cheat.“
Aadarshini S. emphasises that Kiwi girls are independent and rely only on themselves:
“Women in New Zealand would do everything, they can fix a car also. But they are not afraid to get their hands dirty and have a go at whatever needs to be done.“
Gender Roles in New Zealand
Did you know that New Zealand was the first country in the world (!) in which women got the right to vote? Surely, equality is the cornerstone of local society in all spheres of life, including love and marriage.
Ranyani P. confirms that:
“What I found is that generally a gender-positive culture – how could it not be having elected and re-elected 3 great female prime ministers?“
Who initiates in New Zealand culture?
David W. says that it’s common for a woman to make the first move. This is similar to dating culture in Sweden:
“Often with New Zealand women, men actually don’t have to approach them as they reasonably often will make the first move on men they like and seem far less shy to show it to men. In my personal experience, New Zealand women can be very forward towards men they like.“
Natalie S. says that New Zealanders don’t follow any strict dating etiquette or rules while making the first move:
“It is unusual for a man to walk up to a woman in the street and ask for her number and ask to go on a date. The formalised dating ritual that seems to take place in American High school doesn’t really take place here, boys and girls don’t go out on ‘dates’ or pick them up at 5 and drop them home at 10 after saying hello to the father.
I find most relationships are borne out of friendship or (I hate to say it) drunken antics. In the first instance, the future couple is in the same friend group, or meets through mutual friends and continues to meet in a group context until plucking up the courage to make a move into something else.”
First Date
Dating a Kiwi doesn’t have any strict rules or specific etiquette norms.
Are you exclusive from the first date?
Kiwi can go out with several people before starting a relationship with someone. Therefore, the first date doesn’t mean you are a couple.
Katherine S. tells that dating in New Zealand culture may be confusing:
“You might be about to celebrate your 6 months anniversary while he didn’t consider you as his girlfriend. Just be ready for this.“
Topics & etiquette
Lee N. advises:
“New Zealanders don’t take too well to criticism of their beautiful country and especially don’t appreciate littering (of any kind) by visitors. We also are aiming to be smoke free by 2025 so smoking in public places is also a big no no.
There is an expectation that you will behave in a manner that is similar to the way we behave … We expect politeness and respect so any outlandish behaviour, that stands out from the crowd, is not going to be appreciated.
Never invade a New Zealander’s personal space – we are used to having a lot of space.“
Who pays the bill in New Zealand culture?
Karen W. tells that people usually go Dutch:
“I find that most people expect to split the bill fairly (of course, you can get stuck-up women and lazy men as in every culture who don’t want to). Men are still usually expected to make the first move, but women may very well do it instead.”
Physical intimacy
Karl D. says that often partners get physical quite early:
“In my experience, the expectations on men and women in relationships are fairly similar. Sex in most circles is considered pretty normal, and it is assumed women are after this as well. Women stereotypically want to ‘nest’ more but I haven’t noticed a huge difference in desire for commitment.
I think Kiwi and Australian dating norms are pretty similar, certainly closer than either compared to other countries like the US.“
Dating Sites
Just like in many other country, dating sites are popular in New Zealand culture too. Here are some of the more top ones:
- Tinder
- Nzdating.com
- Findsomeone.co.nz
- Bumble
We hope you liked our article on dating a Kiwi. Please let us know your thoughts on the comments below!
Thanks for sharing, this article gives such an interesting insight into the local culture in NZ and what to expect!
This is such an interesting article! I never knew anything about dating a Kiwi but now I am certainly intrigued haha