You might have come across the abbreviation AMWF and wondered what it is. So let us at How to Date a Foreigner explain what is the meaning of AMWF and what are its common pitfalls.
AMWF Meaning
If you thought dating was complicated… well, welcome to the world of interracial dating and intercultural relationships!
It’s on a whole new level – despite the fact that most people are only aware of its interracial aspect.
Somehow the interracial dating world came up with abbreviations to differentiate between couples of different ethnic groups.
One of these is the often used AMWF. The short version of Asian Male – White Female.
There are plenty of others, just like AMBF (Asian Male – Black Female) or the exact opposite: WMAF (White Male – Asian Female).
AMWF Dating pitfalls
1.) Discrimination
Discrimination is part of every interracial relationship, but still, it would feel wrong not to mention it here. Unless you live in Asia with your partner, this is likely to affect your relationship.
Our personality is usually made up of our core personality (genetic) and learnt behaviour (cultural).
Personality is less likely to change over time, but we can adapt to different cultures and our experiences can shape us also. In interracial dating, these experiences play a huge role.
Some ethnicities will have experiences with discrimination when others may never come across it. These will also shape our lives and then taken into the relationship.
2.) Cultural differences
Despite the external world thinking interracial dating is just skin deep, quite often for the interracial couple, it is just the tip of the iceberg.
There are a lot more involved and one of these is culture. Most of the time, one or even both of the couples are either immigrants themselves or were raised by immigrant parents. Often they were raised in their own country of origin and bring their culture into the relationship – most often unaware of these cultural differences.
We also have to remember, that not all AMWF couple will have the same cultural background!
Asian Male – can mean someone who is Chinese or someone who is Korean. They already have different cultural backgrounds, and we haven’t even mentioned ‘Asian banana‘ or ‘Asian FOB‘ yet. If you are not familiar with these terms, let us explain quickly:
Banana: Banana is typically an Asian person who (or whose parents) immigrated into a Western country and they’ve assimilated and adopted the culture. Hence the expression banana: yellow on the outside but white on the inside.
Whitewashed: Even though it has a very similar meaning as Banana, there is a negative connotation to it (at least in Western countries). It implies that the person is not going through the struggles and experiences everyone else in the community does. Nor do they fulfill their ethnic stereotypes. They have an easy life that is reserved for white people. As a white person, to me, it sounds like it has a bit of jealousy to it (for the easy life). However, this term seems to be so accepted in Asia, that I mostly hear it from whitewashed Asian people (referring to each other as whitewashed).
Even though their meaning is so similar, whitewashed refers more to being different, not fitting in (in Asian countries). Whereas banana is used by those who are trying to fit in (in Western countries).
FOB: On the other hand – abbreviation of Fresh Off the Boat – refers to Asian immigrants who have recently arrived to the Western country and therefore haven’t assimilated or adopted the culture.
Usually, immigrants who arrive at a younger age will adopt the new culture much easier. Others who arrive in their 20s or later will be less likely to adopt or even embrace their own culture.
Not so distinct, but White Females will have different cultures based on where they are from also. Someone from the USA will have very different personality and values than someone from UK or Eastern Europe.
3.) Gender roles in the relationship
The following 3 pitfalls are part of cultural differences, however they are so important we will elaborate on them below.
Another one of AMWF relationships pitfalls could be the expectations of roles. In Western countries (the more we go West) gradually the distinctive roles disappear.
Especially in some parts of the US where feminism is very strong. Whereas the more we go East, women are expected to fulfill housewife roles.
This is already stronger in Eastern Europe, but especially visible in some developing Asian countries.
If the White Female is not the typical housewife, it probably won’t disturb a ‘Banana’, but could likely disappoint someone Fresh Off the Boat.
Additionally, as the roles in some Asian countries are so distinct, a FOB Asian man might feel insecure if the White Female earns more than him or if she has rather ambitious goals.
This can be a problem in any Western relationship but could multiply in an interracial one, where the culture strongly expects men to be the provider.
Even if this doesn’t bother Western women, Asian men can get a lot of pressure from their extended family.
4.) Family
Family is important in every relationship, but what you consider family can be different in Western and Asian cultures – as well as who you support if they need you.
Toward the West, cultures are more individualistic and the definition of family is smaller. Who is your family? Are they your immediate family members?
Your parents and your siblings before marriage and children? Or does it include your grandparents, aunties, and cousins also? In Western countries, it’s usually the first. In Asian countries, it’s rather the later.
Who will be the most important person in your life after you get married? Is it your significant other or possibly your mum?
In some Asian countries, for Asian men it will be their mum. In Western countries it is usually your significant other.
5.) Where will you live?
In Western cultures, children move out at a rather early age. 18 is not unusual. However, going toward East, the more this age gets delayed.
Even in Eastern Europe, it is not uncommon for children to live with their parents well into their 30s.
In many Western countries, the couple usually moves together. More often than not, sometimes even years before marriage.
However, in Asian countries, it is quite common (and even expected) for the bride to move in with the husband’s family – where often 3 generations live together. She is then expected to do quite a lot of the housework.
6.) Conversation topics
We also have to mention conversation topics as potential AMWF dating pitfalls. What’s taboo in one culture is not in another!
One of the classes I had while learning English was things that I should not say or ask that would offend British people. One of these was talking about money and especially how much someone earns. It’s not like I would even ask my friends in Hungary about this, but it is also polite not to ask anything related to money.
Wait till you get to Asia, where your business is their business! They need to know everything! ‘How much is your rent? How much are you paying for your motorbike? Ooooh, that’s expensive! How much do you pay your staff?’ Like taboo doesn’t exist. Honesty in Asia is part of caring for you.
In the beginning and especially as a foreigner, it will be just the nice comments (or comments considered nice to them) like: ‘You are so white!’ (In Asia being white is very attractive – not like in Western countries). or: ‘I love your big nose!‘ 😀 Omg, the first time someone told me that, I didn’t know how to react.
Then the stronger your friendship becomes the more honest the comments become. Like: ‘You are so fat! You should lose some weight.’ Or: ‘You would be so much prettier without freckles.’ Don’t take them in the wrong way (even if they hurt). They are honest because they care for you.
However, if you are Asian (with an Asian culture) visiting your Western girlfriend’s family in the West, try to refrain from these comments. You might come across as rude.
There are a lot more to think about but these are just a few most important ones to keep in mind.
When it comes to interracial dating and AMWF relationships, don’t get discouraged by the above pitfalls. Just make sure to read our blog and educate yourself to prepare well in advance.
Do you have any other suggestions we forgot to mention above? Leave your comments below and we will include them in this post!
Summary – AMWF pitfalls:
1.) Discrimination
2.) Cultural differences
3.) Gender roles in the relationship
4.) Family
5.) Where will you live
6.) Conversation topics
Next Step:
Read Next: The Best 12 Interracial Dating Tips