Dating in Nigerian Culture “…if he does this, you entered the Semi-Finals”
Did you know Nigeria is one of the most culturally diverse countries in the world? It is home to over 200 ethnicities, of which the most numerous are Hausa, Igbo and Yoruba. As a result, your experience of dating in Nigerian culture may differ while you are travelling across the country.
What do you need to know before dating a Nigerian person?
Victor D. tells us about exceptional hospitality of Nigerians:
“It is true we love foreigners, mostly white foreigners because I feel they are more distant from us and we want to make them feel at home, make them feel comfortable. It is how we treat visitors in general. Ensuring visitors were comfortable is more important than anything. This is how I feel and I don’t think I’m alone in this way of thinking, because I see such behaviour in all the places I have been to in Nigeria.”
In this video, the author tells about the most important cultural features each foreigner should be aware of when travelling to Nigeria (or starting dating someone from this country):
Unlike some Asian countries Nigerians are more open to dating foreigners ( it is worth mentioning in this context dating in Indian culture).
Nigerians’ openness, good sense of humour and positiveness in some sense is similar to Brazilian culture.
Dating a Nigerian guy
Lisa M. says that respect is crucial while dating a Nigerian guy:
“To me, respectable Nigerian men are protectors providers proud and loyal they value family and are God-fearing…Nigerian men are usually very proud and do not like to be challenged in public by their lady. When with a Nigerian man it is better to keep challenging discussions in private to preserve the family honour.”
Dabere O. tells that dating in Nigerian culture is diverse and varies depending on the region:
“If you are dating someone who is from the Northern part of Nigeria [Islam prevails there], there’s a good chance he might be Hausa/Fulani and Moslem. They usually marry more than 1 wife. Someone with little exposure from this part of Nigeria wouldn’t want a ‘progressive’ woman or someone too ambitious. They mostly prefer the basics. Cook. Clean. Take care of the kids and house…If you are dating someone who has lived either in Lagos or Abuja and is middle class, then most likely that is an exposed man. They are quite expressive, and most use ‘endearing’ words to tease their girlfriends or wives. If he is truly in love with you and looks to have a future with you, then he’ll invite you into his ‘ship’ or home, he’ll introduce you a lot to his friends (although this is a general rule) and he’ll most likely call you ‘mommy’. If he does this, you have entered the Semi-Finals of the World Cup. Beware, however, the Ship will most likely have 1 captain: him. “
According to Alex D. men usually don’t like to show their feelings:
” A lot of Nigerian men are worried they may be seen as weak or girly when they express emotions or physically show affection outside of the bedroom. This could also be due to peer or societal pressures. A lot of men worry about being seen as weak or effeminate and a lot of people assign romanticism to being girly which is ridiculous.”
Dating a Nigerian Girl
While dating a Nigerian girl keep in mind that society puts great pressure on them to marry in their twenties. It means that they will not waste their time on casual dating and will expect clarity in your intentions.
Nigerian women consider marriage the most important event in their lives. There is an unspoken rule that a married woman is more respected and has a higher position in the social hierarchy than a single one. As long as you are not married you can’t be called fully successful no matter what accomplishments you have in studying or career.
Peter P. tells that Nigerian women are very home-oriented which is very similar to Turkish culture:
“They are quite obsessed with cleaning and cooking. I once offered to just pay a maid to do some of the housework on a weekly basis and she got offended
. I believe her actual words were, ‘Oh, so you think I can’t keep my own household in order???‘”
Kate M. stresses that a Nigerian girl may juggle the roles of a devoted housewife and ambitious careerist:
“Yes, we generally tend to embrace a lot of traditional values within the context of a relationship, but by no means do we all fit the 50’s housewife fantasy of caring for the home and having everything handed to us. Without sounding too biased here, I’ll say that Nigerian women are some of the most well-rounded people I know. The women I grew up seeing in my community were all well-educated and ambitious, in addition to being nurturing caregivers. Yes, the standards are high, but it’s because we bring a lot to the table. Want the best of two worlds? Get yourself a Nigerian woman. 
“
Gender roles in Nigerian culture
Emerald E. emphasises that dating in Nigerian culture orients on the traditional gender roles:
“We grew up knowing that men are supposed to be the sole providers and this reflects in relationships too. Where the female typically depends on the male to provide for her needs during the course of the relationship. On another note, due to how much we are currently being influenced by Western culture things are beginning to change and you see a few instances where ladies are taking pride in taking care of themselves and contributing at least a little financially to the relationship. But it hasn’t gotten to the point where it’s generally acceptable for a lady to take care of her partner.“
First date
Who pays the bill?
It’s always expected that only a man pays the bill and it refers not only to the first date but literally to everything!
Lisa M.:
“Nigerian men are usually giving and are expected to cover for the lady expenses when they go out in public. Most Nigerian men will take it as an insult of them not being capable if the woman tries to pay.”
However, in recent times dating etiquette starts shifting closer to Western standards. The burden of being an only provider makes a lot of guys feel discriminated. As a result, Nigerian men even created a ‘Stingy Men Association’!
Physical intimacy is not common not only after the first date but for the first couple of months of seeing each other. Which is very different from dating in Anglo-Saxon countries; such as dating an Australian or dating a British person.
Emerald E. says that Nigerians keep their romantic relationships in secret:
“Nigerians are intimate during relationships but same with the above the culture doesn’t support it, and parents don’t want to hear about it. In short as a girl your parents better not know you are dating at all no matter the age as long as you are single. As a Nigerian girl, I have heard ‘I better not catch any boy around you’, so many times from my mother. So we know better than to allow our parents to know we are in an intimate relationship.”
Romantic relationships and marriage in Nigerian culture
Being in long pre-marriage relationships in order to get to know each other is not common for dating in Nigerian culture. Be ready that your relationship with your Nigerian partner can progress to the marriage quite fast.
Peter C. tells about his experience of dating a Nigerian girl:
“After she introduced me to her dad when I bumped into them having a date in a certain restaurant, I ended up having dinner at their place and by the end of the night the family had come to a consensus of what our first baby’s name would be (mind you, we had known each other for like 9 months only by this time.“
Usually, Nigerians are described as “God-feared”. However, they are not as strict as you may expect, and premarital relationships are not as frowned upon as decades ago. So, we asked several contributors if it is socially acceptable to move together while not being married. Everyone was of the same opinion.
This is what Lisa M. replied:
“No, that is perfectly fine! You can totally live with your partner here before marriage!“
Derek M. tells that Nigerian marriage ties are stronger than anywhere in the West:
“Nigeria marriages can survive almost anything, there is no we’ve been married for 20 years, we just got bored of each other or we just want different things, when Nigerians marry, it is really “till death do us apart”, the only few things that can break a Nigerian marriage is infidelity or physical abuse.“
Meeting Nigerian parents
Most likely your Nigerian partner will not introduce you to his/her family unless you are close to marriage. They will keep you hidden until then.
Lisa M. explains the role of the family:
“The family has a big influence on the relationship. I would not recommend marrying a man whose parents don’t accept you. They will most likely make your life like hell. Most parents here expect their opinion to be respected. If the child goes against their parents’ wish it can be deemed as a big disrespect“.
Sarah M. gives her advice before meeting parents:
“Family is a priority in Nigeria, to the point that they take advantage of that relationship in some cases so the long visits are to be expected. Your partner owes it to you to put up boundaries for your relationship’s sake, so talk to him/her beforehand. Also if you do meet them keep in mind that: I) Nigerians are friendly but they can also be wary to outsiders so expect some cold shoulders at first; II) Expect some light interrogation about your academic history/career plans; III) You may or may not be judged by what you’re wearing so dress a bit more conservatively when meeting them.”
6 Tips to win Nigerian Parents’ Hearts
We can categorize all tips for meeting in-laws as follows:
1. )Prepare to have conversations – Nigerians are loud and chatty and they love long conversations on different topics. Highly likely, your partner’s family will not be an exception. So, don’t expect only general polite remarks and superficial questions.
2.) Dress properly for the occasion – as Sarah M. has mentioned above dress modestly and conservatively. And don’t overdo it with makeup.
Lisa M. says that etiquette rules vary within Nigeria:
“Depending on the family origins tribe I would recommend getting familiar with their traditions: cover your hair or not, bow down to greet etc.”
3.) Prepare a gift – it’s a norm in Nigeria to come to the host’s house with a little gift. You can discuss the parents’ preferences beforehand. Also, if there are small kids in the house (a few generations may live under one roof) it would be great to bring some sweets or toys for them.
4.) Present your own family in a good light – just like in many Asian cultures, in Nigeria marriage is not only a tie between two persons but between two families. Your potential in-laws will be interested in your family and what background you have, so be ready to discuss it.
5.) Don’t reject the food – the food culture is important in Nigeria. For sure your partner’s family will do their best to prepare for you the most delicious foods and drinks. So, rejecting it may be insulting and disrespectful.
6.) Make compliments – don’t be cold and distant; make compliments and show interest. It will prove your respect and that you value them.
Lisa M. gives a piece of advice for girls:
“Helping with the mom in the kitchen is also a win, as being interested in cooking, flavours etc.”
The author of the below video (who is German) tells a story of meeting his Nigerian in-laws for the first time.
Nigerian Dating Apps
- Afrointroductions – one of the leading African dating apps with nearly 5 million users. Suits those who are looking for serious relationships and are ready to pay for using all its benefits. Messaging and video calls are available only for a paid membership.
- International Cupid – Meet Nigerians
- Naija Planet
- Friendite
We hope you liked our article about dating in Nigerian culture. Would love to see your thoughts on the comments below!
Very interesting article. I liked reading the quotes to get different people’s perspectives and experiences.
Really interesting perspectives and detailing of differences in culture!