Communication Styles: How They Shape First Impressions (For Expats)

Ever felt like you said what you meant, but the message still didn’t land??

When you’re dating a foreigner, even the smallest shift in tone or timing can send the wrong message. That friendly comment you made? It might have sounded aggressive. The silence you thought was polite? Maybe it read as cold.

These subtle differences are shaped by communication styles.

Communication styles are how people express thoughts, emotions, and interests. And on a first date, they shape more than just words. They shape first impressions.

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As explained in our guide on what makes international dating different, recognizing the impact of communication early on can help you create a connection that feels intentional, not accidental. Let’s look at how you can recognize the different styles and avoid sending mixed signals.

What are communication styles, and why do they matter in dating?

Communication styles are more than just personality, they’re cultural blueprints.

In some places, like Germany, it’s common to speak directly and say exactly what you think. In Japan, people tend to express opinions more indirectly, using hints and gestures. In Brazil, communication is warm and expressive, with tone and body language doing just as much work as words.

On a first date, these differences can create surprise or confusion.

Say you grew up with a direct style, and your date leans more indirect. You might come across as too intense. Or maybe you’re reading too much into their subtle signals and feeling unsure. That’s where misunderstandings begin.

First impressions often rely on comfort and clarity. And understanding your own style, and recognizing someone else’s, helps you avoid second-guessing what they meant.

How can communication styles lead to mixed signals early on?

Leo from Germany shared his story of meeting a Korean woman, Hae, through a dating app. At the café, he answered her questions honestly and directly. She listened quietly, smiling politely.
Yet, they both left confused. Leo wondered if Hae just wasn’t interested. After all, she barely reacted. Hae, on the other hand, felt caught off guard by how openly he expressed himself and wasn’t sure how to respond without seeming too forward or too cold.
So, Leo thought she was not interested, while Hae found him too blunt.

Communication styles, especially around emotion, are deeply cultural. In Korea, politeness and non-confrontation are highly valued. On the other hand, in Germany, being upfront is a sign of respect. Hence, when those two styles collide, it’s easy for both sides to misread each other.

And it doesn’t stop there:

• A pause in South Korea might be a thoughtful reflection. In the US, it might feel like the conversation’s stalling.

• Avoiding eye contact in Indonesia can signal modesty. In Italy, it might come across as aloof.

When people don’t speak the same emotional “language,” they often misinterpret what’s being said or not said. That’s why it’s important to listen not just with your ears, but with curiosity.

How can you tell if your date is more direct or indirect than you?

Luckily, you don’t need a degree in communication studies to figure this out. Just pay close attention.

Here are a few signs someone leans indirect:

• They pause before giving an opinion.

• They soften messages with “maybe” or “kind of.”

• They smile, nod, or avoid direct disagreement.

A direct communicator, on the other hand, might:

• Jump right into their thoughts.

• Give feedback without sugarcoating.

• Use firm gestures or confident language.

Want to bring it up without sounding awkward? Then try this simple question:

• “Do you prefer when people are super open right away, or does that feel like too much?”

And if something feels unclear, there’s nothing wrong with gently asking: “Sometimes I’m not sure how I come across. Am I being too direct or not enough?”
Framing it as a choice encourages an honest response. If you just say, “I’m not sure if I come across too direct,” the other person might simply reply, “No, not at all.” And you’re left wondering whether they actually mean it or are just being polite.

What are some first-date mistakes caused by mismatched styles?

Let’s look at another example:

Emily, an American woman living in Mexico City, went on a date with Luis, a local she met through friends. From the moment they sat down, Luis was warm and attentive in a way that felt sincere. Emily appreciated his charm and generous compliments, but kept replying with a soft “thank you” and a reserved smile, unsure if matching his energy would come off as too forward.

Luis, in the meanwhile, read her polite distance as disinterest. He left the date wondering if she’d had a good time. Emily walked away feeling she’d shown proper respect.

Other common first-date mismatches:

• Jumping into vulnerable topics too quickly.

• Avoiding confrontation to stay polite, even when it creates confusion.

• Mistaking kindness for interest or disinterest.

Even small talk can play out differently depending on where you’re from. In the Philippines, small talk builds warmth. In the Netherlands, it might feel unnecessary. If you’re not on the same page, those early moments can feel awkward, without either person doing anything wrong.

How can you adapt your communication style without losing yourself?

Adapting isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about noticing what lands well and adjusting it with intention.

If you’re usually direct:

• Try softening your tone with phrases like “Would it be okay if I’m honest about something?”

• Or “I hope this doesn’t come across as too blunt, but…”

If you lean more indirectly:

• It helps to name it: “I usually communicate in a pretty subtle way. Just letting you know, in case it ever feels like I’m being vague.”

The goal isn’t to perform. It’s to make space for mutual understanding.

You can also try:

• Using reflection: “So you meant that…?”

• Asking for feedback without pressure

And when in doubt, use kindness and clarity. They translate across almost any culture.

What helps build trust despite communication differences?

Start with respect and a willingness to be curious.

You don’t need to change who you are or match your partner’s exact communication style. But showing genuine interest in how they express themselves sends a powerful message: I see you, and I care enough to try to understand.

Even a simple phrase like: “The way you communicate feels really different from me, but I like it. I want to understand it better” can completely shift the emotional tone of a conversation. It replaces confusion with safety, distance with connection.

It also helps to gently set expectations in advance, especially if you know your style may be unfamiliar:

• “I tend to say what I feel pretty openly, it’s how I connect with people.”

• “If I pause or go quiet, it’s not about you. It’s just how I process things.”

Reassurance goes a long way. And when you say things like:

• “We don’t have to talk the same way. I’m just glad we’re talking at all.”

You’re helping create a space where both people feel seen, even in difference.

Trust isn’t built by avoiding cultural contrast. It’s built by staying present through it. The more you normalize these conversations, the more confident both of you will feel. And that’s where real intimacy begins: not in perfect understanding, but in shared effort to connect.

FAQ

How can I tell if communication styles are the issue in my new relationship?

If you’re being clear but still feel misunderstood, it may be a style mismatch. Look for signals like hesitations, frequent clarifications, or emotional reactions that don’t seem to fit the moment.

What are some easy ways to avoid communication breakdowns when dating abroad?

Ask open-ended questions. Clarify gently. Listen for emotional cues, not just words. And remember: silence, pauses, and pacing all carry different meanings depending on where you’re from.

How can I talk about misunderstandings without sounding critical?

Speak from your experience (instead of accusing your partner). Try: “I felt unsure earlier. Can we talk about that?” or “I may have misunderstood.”

Conclusion

You don’t have to master every cultural nuance to create a real connection, but learning how communication styles shape those first impressions can change everything. It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being intentional, curious, and aware of how your words (and silences) come across.

If you’re ready to move past the guesswork and connect more clearly, we have tools to help. Explore our book, How to Date a Foreigner or check out the course to start building deeper, more meaningful relationships, wherever you are in the world.