Summary: If you think ‘women are the same everywhere’, you might be surprised. Women’s preference for generous or toned men varies around the world. At How to Date a Foreigner, we will help you understand it from a cultural point of view so you know what to focus on more when you travel to or date someone from a different culture.
Beauty differs across cultures
If you are well traveled, you are probably already familiar with how beauty differs around the world. In Western cultures, we love sunkissed skin. In Asia on the other hand people love snow white skin.
Interestingly, deep down, association with beauty all lead back to money.
In Western countries, we believe that a person with tanned skin has the time, money and luxury to be able to go on holiday to a sunny beach location.
Contrary to this, in Asia (with plenty of sunshine and stunning beaches) it is believed that a person with white skin has a good office job. They don’t have to be working outside in the sun (in a usually much less well paid job). Women often walk around with umbrellas or dress up like Eskimos from head to toe even in unbearable heat (and often on the beach too!). In exchange, they are surprised and shocked by how Westerners lay out in the sun to get a tan.
‘I like your big nose!’ – Compliment or rude?
There are many other beauty differences also. Some that even sound extremely rude for us Westerners, but are actually meant with a good heart and intension.
I personally experienced one of these, when I used a very local Vietnamese office space to work from.
On my first day, I went to the kitchen to make some tea and the office manager came to join me for a friendly introduction. Few minutes into our ‘nice to meet you’ she commented: ‘I like your big nose!’. I was very shocked, I didn’t know what to say. Is this a compliment or is she being super rude? What am I supposed to say? So after a short awkward silence from my side, I ‘complimented’ her back, I like your nose too (with probably the weirdest smile on my face).
In Asia, they like noses with a tall arch. In many Asian countries (especially in South Korea) they spend a lot of money on getting a bigger nose (taller arch), double eyelids, and skin whitening (yes! it’s a thing!)
Whereas in Western countries we like the opposite and many people spend a lot of money on nose surgeries to make theirs smaller.
Try to research what’s considered pretty and what’s not, before you give the wrong compliment.
Tattoos
Tattoos are another interesting difference. In certain countries tattoos are considered very cool in others it is very low class and tacky. Often this is shaped by the person’s cultural experience.
In my country of origin, very few people or friends have tattoos. Thinking about it, I only recall one friend who had them. It’s mostly common around builders and construction workers, who are not too highly educated.
When I moved to the UK, it was like suddenly everyone had tattoos. Many people even had the tattoo ’13’ that was a special deal tattoo companies did on a Friday 13th. On that day the tattoo 13 only cost £13. So people got it because it was cheap. Hence this reinforced tattoos (for me) as low quality and tacky.
Then I moved to Asia, where some people have a really amazing style. Tattoos here are very stylish and fashionable. People are often very highly educated as well. This really shaped my views on tattoos.
If you have tattoos already and you moved to a country where it is not so favorable, you can help it by upping your dressing style and physical appearance to fight the ‘low class’ stereotype.
Generous, toned and buff – attractive or turn off?
You might think being toned and buff is important to be considered attractive. You might be surprised to hear that it is not equally important in every country and in some it is even slightly negative!
USA – preference for toned and buff
The more we go West, the more important physical appearance becomes.
In the United States, going to the gym especially among men is very common. Maybe not so much midland, but in bigger coastal cities like New York, San Francisco or Los Angeles, definitely.
I’ve never been to a city where people walk around in yoga pants like San Francisco. It’s like the local fashion. Teeth whitening is like another pre-requisite. Physical appearance is super important.
Europe – preference for toned
On the other hand, the more we go East, people put less emphasis is on physical appearance and more on personality and education.
Even though UK has a lot of similarity with the US, it is already much more European. France puts great emphasis on being natural. More natural make up and hair. Less emphasis on being toned than in the US, but more emphasis on elegant clothes.
The further we go East, the more we can see this change.
In Eastern Europe, there is even more emphasis on clothes. Wearing gym clothes as a day time ‘fashion’ is a no-no.
Compared to the US, gyms are still not as popular. Times are changing and they are becoming popular now, but still not as common as in Western countries.
Maybe this comes from the fact that we put so much emphasis on personality. People who go to the gym and get buff are even sometimes considered in a negative way.
Word by word translation, we call them ‘muscle brains‘ which I think is ‘gym rat’ in English.
We believe people who go to the gym too much, don’t have time left to educate themselves. So people who are very buff are often associated to be uneducated ‘only muscle, no brains’.
Healthy and toned is attractive. Just often not buff.
Hence a lot different from the USA already.
Asia – preference for generous
In Asia, education and a good job is a very important quality. This is why many Asian families put a strong emphasis on their childrens’ education.
They are often encouraged to be doctors, lawyers, accountants and engineers. Without a good job and education, they might not find a partner.
Education is more important than physical attraction. This might be because the more we go East, the more traditional values get.
Often the man and woman are not equal in a relationship. The man needs to look after his family financially. If the woman makes the wrong choice, she will have a very difficult time raising her children alone. Not to mention, once they were married, in many traditional countries they will have difficulty marrying again. Especially if they are not virgins.
For this reason, education, good job and healthy financial background is their top priority when selecting a partner.
Probably because of these factors, many women in Asian countries find a generous man very attractive. Something we don’t particularly care for in the West.
In fact, we often don’t know how to accept other peoples’ generosity in the west. We often think a generous person wants something in exchange or we owe them.
It makes many people feel uncomfortable.
Western women usually don’t have to rely on a man to care for them and the family financially as they are often considered equal partners in a relationship.
On the contrary, the more we go west, the more Western women care for physical attraction (eg. big shoulders), confidence and a good sense of humor that is often not a deciding factor for Asian women.
What is a generous man?
A generous man is someone who shows readiness to give more of something, as money or time, than is strictly necessary or expected. (Wikipedia)
Generosity is the virtue of being liberal in giving, often as gifts. Generosity is regarded as a virtue by various world religions,
Transformation from buff to toned (and generous)
To close this article with an interesting example, I have a Vietnamese-Canadian friend who moved from Canada to Vietnam.
He was rather buff when he moved and he was set on finding a Vietnamese wife.
I left traveling and 2 years later when I met him again, I could barely recognize him. He was very skinny (still toned) but physically looked a lot more like a Vietnamese man.
As he was so focused on finding a wife, this and focusing on being generous probably worked in his favor.
We hope you like our article and it gave you a different view on attraction around the world. We would love to hear your views and experiences! Let us know in the comments below.
Read next: Ultimate US – Asia Cultural Differences in Relationships You Need to Know