A lot of people usually ask, do opposites attract? And if yes, why? There’s a common belief in the dating scene that has permeated popular culture and societal reasoning. This belief is based on the attraction of individuals of seemingly dissimilar physical or personality traits. We’ve seen this portrayed in the media from music as in the case of Billy Joel’s Uptown Girl to motion pictures from the likes of Titanic, (rich and poor), and of course, everyone’s favorite fairytale, Cinderella, to mention a few.
Just the thought of an unlikely connection in the form of love or friendship is somewhat irresistible and has fueled the belief of the premise. Some might say this theory is based on the principle of magnetism where ‘Like poles repel and unlike poles attract’. Although in a lot of ways, attraction can be magnetic, physics does play a small role in human relationships.
So, assuming this premise of ‘opposites attraction’ is true, why then do opposites attract? Why do two dissimilar people magnetize towards each other? These dissimilarities could be in terms of personality, interests, cultural/economic backgrounds, or appearance. Well, this piece aims at exploring the plausible reasons why this premise should be.
So, Why do Opposites Attract?
1. Connection
Do opposites attract in terms of connection? At first glance, you could tell a lot about a person. Their race, nationality, sexual orientation could all available to you on sight. Humans usually have a certain perception of people and are often shocked when the reality of people does not match the conceived idea of them. In an attempt to paint a picture, let’s explore this scenario. A bubbly sanguine man, and a jaded melancholic woman falling in love; based on the dissimilarity of their temperaments, it’s believed that they will never end up together.
Now, at first glance or meeting; both parties recognized this dissimilarity between them, along with other sociocultural factors. This is because aspects of temperaments or personalities usually reflect and affect our cultural experiences. Hence, this couple could have easily discarded the possibility of friendship, let alone a relationship. They had every reason to. So, what made them get past the first 30 seconds and end up in a relationship? Our best guess is the human connection.
Bonus Point: Dissimilar people become attracted when they take the time to pay attention to each other via a conversation or meeting. This is where they’ll get to know the other person better.
In essence, the possibility of attraction between two dissimilar beings is largely based on their human connection. By human connection, we mean the energy exchange between people who are paying attention to each other.
2. Similarities in Dissimilarity
As much as you think certain couples may be dissimilar or different from each other, there’s usually some underlying common ground on which their relationship exists and thrives. This is usually the attributes of the person. Let’s consider intercultural relationships. In such a relationship, both parties may be from the same socio-cultural backgrounds as per nationality or tribe. However, they may have separate cultural experiences in the sense that they were raised on polar ends of the world.
Their individual cultural experiences will most definitely affect their perspectives, personality, ambitions, and other aspects of life. However, even as these individuals have something in common, they’re very different from each other. In such a scenario, it’s going to take a lot more than their nationalities for such individuals to be together.
This is where physical, emotional, and mental attributes come in. Both parties become physically attracted to each other, and on forming a human connection, they learn facts about themselves that aren’t so different. They could have something in common. This could be anything from reasoning to consciousness, virtues to morals, perspectives to wishes, you name it.
Bonus Point: Once common ground is established with physical and emotional attraction, a relationship will emerge regardless of their separate cultural or social experiences.
Basically, people may be opposites in terms of several factors. However, the fact that they become attracted to each other, and even initiate a relationship is proof there’s some form of underlying common ground not seen at first glance.
3. The Taste For Different
Do opposites attract in terms of personal taste? Many people get attracted to complete opposites of themselves. This is because they have conditioned themselves to believe that different is great, and it works for them. This hasty generalization or belief could stem from personality, past experiences, or underlying issues in such a person’s life. However, being different from your partner in whatever aspect will give your relationship more depth and balance in many ways.
This is why many individuals have developed a taste for dissimilarities in relationships as they believe it makes a relationship dynamic, and exciting. Now, who wouldn’t want spontaneous, and dynamic in a relationship?
Bonus Point: people with a taste for different experiences will search for those who seem to counter their most dominating traits with complementary tendencies.
These are the same individuals who feel that unless there’s a certain level of dissimilarity between each other in a relationship, intimacy can become claustrophobic. Even though this will incite interesting challenges, these potent differences will create a very viable feature in relationship chemistry.
Some individuals with a taste for difference also believe that relationships with couples who are mostly identical to each other aren’t enlightening. Asides from passion, they believe the dissimilarity births new insights. This is because it creates avenues for both parties to see through each other’s facade and learn something new which wouldn’t be possible if they’re with someone identical to them. This appeals to the primitive quest for completion as humans.
4. A Need for Completeness
Do opposites attract in a quest for completeness? Coming in contact with someone dissimilar to you would incite one of three reactions: repulsion, indifference, or admiration. While admiration is a fair reaction, it’s the root of many relationships with dissimilar couples.
When one person may feel inspired or in awe of the other, and they pay attention to each other, a connection can be built. Now, we humans have a primitive need for completion. We want to feel whole, and a lot of us look for it outside ourselves.
We look for it in a career, material things, religion, family finances, and of course, relationships. Hence, the thought of being with someone different from you would be comforting to those with a quest for completion. These kinds of people are sure that someone unique will be able to fill their void and complete them. So, based on their unfulfilled heart desires, they seek comfort and fulfillment in such people.
Bonus Point: The concept of ‘yin and yang’ is acknowledged in different relationships and cultures as the base of dissimilar couples matching perfectly. Individuals feel that although a person might be different, they’re their other half, and ultimately the yin to their yang.
These are a few of the plausible reasons why individuals of unlike personalities can defy the odds to become attracted to each other. It could be because the individuals aren’t so dissimilar as they think and have common goals and morals. This attraction could also stem from an authentic human connection, or it could be because either party is searching for something different. Either way, relationships of opposites can not only work, but it can stand the test of time and surpass the 7-year itch.
What is the 7 year Itch?
The seven-year itch could be fallacious or mythical. However, it is a belief that the feeling of happiness in a marriage or long-term relationship declines after seven years. It is seen daily in mainstream media films and many groups also confirm its authenticity.
However, this belief has grown outside interpersonal relationships and is now used in different situations; from working a full-time job for seven years to buying a new property. Now, according to many beliefs, in a union of opposites like that seen in intercultural relationships; the seven-year itch belief wouldn’t apply. This is because, in an age where cultural norms and ideologies can no longer sustain a long-term relationship; generating internal motivation from the relationship’s core is what gives it viability.
Bonus Point: In essence, in an intercultural relationship; it’s the differences in experiences, views, and even personality that keeps such relationship sizzling beyond seven years.
Since so much variety is brought to the table by both parties; it will feel like a continuous journey where you’re constantly learning and enjoying bits of each other. This is what makes the dynamic in such a relationship remain fresh and exciting.
Conclusion
Differences don’t always have to be so problematic; they could be complementary. In a relationship of opposites, the key to staying happy past the seven-year itch is finding a rhythm or balance.
Without a healthy balance of feelings and emotions, the differences which were earlier sought after will grow into deep emotional strain between couples. So, in such relationships, factors like dependability, intimacy, security, and comfort could transform into boredom, indifference, claustrophobia, and stagnation respectively.
So, when wondering why do opposites attract? The answer is, why not?
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