Cultural Values: What Do They Have to Do with Dating a Foreigner?

Ever felt totally in sync with someone, until you’re not?

You laugh at the same jokes, speak the same language, even share similar goals. But when it comes to showing love, talking about the future, or making decisions together, things feel… off.

If you’re dating a foreigner, that disconnect probably isn’t about language. It’s about something deeper: cultural values.

These aren’t surface-level habits. They’re the core beliefs we grow up with: what love means, what loyalty looks like, how we see family, success, conflict, and commitment.

And they shape how we give and receive love.

At How to Date a Foreigner, we know that cultural clashes can quietly erode a connection—or deepen it—when you know what to look for. This post will help you understand how different cultural values can affect your relationship, sometimes in surprising and confusing ways, and how learning to recognize these patterns can bring you closer, not further apart.

Let’s explore cultural values together and discover how they shape your intercultural relationships in ways you might not expect.

What Are Cultural Values and How Do They Differ from Cultural Norms?

When you’re dating across cultures, the biggest challenges aren’t always the obvious ones. Sure, language gaps and different dating “rules” can trip you up. Those are cultural norms: the behaviors people learn from their environment.

But underneath those actions are deeper beliefs. And that’s where cultural values come in.

Think of it this way:

• Cultural norms are what people do.
  Like arriving on time, splitting the bill, or holding hands in public.

• Cultural values are why they do it.
  The underlying beliefs about respect, love, independence, and what a “healthy” relationship looks like.

They’re easy to miss because they’re usually invisible, until something doesn’t feel right.

Let’s say someone doesn’t say “I love you” often. That’s a cultural norm.
But if you ask why, you might discover a value:
They believe love is best shown through actions, not words. Saying it too much might feel insincere or unnecessary.

Or maybe someone insists on asking their parents before making big decisions.
That’s part of cultural norms also.
But underneath, the value might be:
“Family unity matters more than individual choice.”

These values shape how someone views closeness, boundaries, conflict, and commitment far more than habits or etiquette ever could.

If you’re only reacting to the behavior, you might feel confused or hurt. But when you understand the belief behind it, the behavior starts to make sense.

So next time something feels “off,” try asking:
“What did love look like in your family growing up?”

Their answer won’t just explain the norm, it’ll show you the value underneath. And once you understand that, you’re not just reacting anymore. You’re relating.

That shift can change everything.

Why the Way We See Family Can Lead to Big Surprises

Let’s say you’re a few dates in and really like someone. You’re imagining your next weekend getaway. Then they ask you to have dinner with their parents… tomorrow.

In many parts of the world, this would signal a serious step forward. But in others, introducing someone to your family is a casual part of life. Sometimes expected even early on.

Here’s where cultural values about family can totally shift the tone of a relationship.

In places like the United States, or Australia, adults are often raised to prioritize independence. Moving out at 18 is common, and bringing a partner home is a big, intentional step.

But in countries like India, Mexico, or the Philippines, family is central. Many adults live at home well into their 20s or 30s. Family opinions carry weight, and dating someone often means being ready to connect with their parents, siblings, and even grandparents.

This isn’t just a logistical difference. It reflects a deeper belief: whether love is seen as a private bond between two people, or a commitment that automatically involves family.

So when someone says, “You should talk to my parents,” they might not be pushing for something serious. It might just be their normal.

Instead of guessing, try asking:
“What’s your family like when it comes to dating?”
It’s a gentle way to understand how they think and what matters most in their world.

What Love Means Can Be Totally Different Around the World

For some, love means butterflies, sparks, and grand gestures. For others, love means being a good partner, building a future, and slowly growing into commitment.

Neither is more romantic. But they come from very different values.

In Brazil or Italy, you’ll often find people who value emotional intensity and openness. Love is shown early, boldly, and often. There’s less fear of seeming “too much.”

In contrast, in countries like Japan or Vietnam, love might be expressed more quietly. Acts of service, long-term dedication, and consistency speak louder than words. For some, not saying “I love you” doesn’t mean a lack of love; it means the love is stable, not something that needs to be said often.

And here’s where it gets tricky. You could be dating someone who’s deeply committed, but because they don’t show it the way you expect, it feels like something’s missing.

Ask this instead:
“What makes a relationship feel real for you?”
It opens the door to a deeper conversation, without assuming that love has to look one way.

Why Some People Show Feelings and Others Keep Them Private

You text a sweet message. No reply.
You share your feelings. They change the subject.
You wonder if you’re being too much, or if they even care at all.

Before you assume the worst, take a breath. Emotional expression looks different depending on where and how someone was raised.

In Hungary, for example, people show love by spending time with someone. Talking. Sharing. Checking in.

But to my surprise, when I asked someone in Vietnam how they’d show they loved their partner, they said:
“I’d work more.”

In Hungary, working more would mean less time together. But for them, it means providing more. Sacrificing time to build security. That was love.

Some cultures value emotional openness. Others value emotional control. And sometimes, that can feel like emotional distance.

The key is to ask, not assume.

Try this:
“How do you usually show someone you care?”
That simple question can replace doubt with clarity, and turn frustration into connection.

When Your Values Clash: What to Do Instead of Arguing

Here’s the truth most people learn the hard way: not all arguments are about the topic. A lot of them are about values.

You think texting daily means connection. They think it’s clingy.
You value honesty above all. They value harmony, even if it means keeping things unsaid.
You begin to realize you’re not “incompatible.” You’re just shaped by different beliefs.

When values clash, it’s tempting to prove why your way makes more sense. But in intercultural love, the goal isn’t winning. It’s understanding.

Here’s a question that can completely shift the tone of any disagreement:
“Can you help me understand why that matters to you?”

It turns tension into curiosity.

And that’s where growth happens.

You don’t need to agree on everything. But you do need to know how to talk through the things you don’t agree on.

That’s what makes a relationship resilient across cultures, time zones, and values.

FAQs

What are cultural values in dating?

Cultural values in dating are the beliefs and expectations people grow up with around love, relationships, and communication. They shape how someone gives and receives affection, defines commitment, and handles conflict or emotional intimacy.

Can people with different cultural values make a relationship work?

Yes. Relationships between people from different cultures can absolutely thrive when both partners are open, curious, and committed to learning. Respect, clear communication, and emotional flexibility are key.

How do I know if our cultural values are too different?

If you’re feeling consistently misunderstood, emotionally disconnected, or like you’re always compromising your core beliefs, those are signs of a values mismatch. What matters is whether both of you are willing to understand each other and grow together.

Conclusion

Understanding cultural values can turn confusion into clarity, and frustration into compassion.

Love across cultures takes more than shared language or chemistry. It takes patience. A willingness to learn. And a curiosity about how someone else sees the world.

That’s what we’re here for.

Want to keep learning? Explore our book How to Date a Foreigner, join one of our online courses, or download our free guide to dating styles around the world.

Your next meaningful connection might just start with a better question.