Dating a Thai Man: “Don’t do that, it will make him lose face”
The Land of Smiles – this is how Thai people call their country, emphasizing their positive worldview. Therefore, it is not surprising that it’s one of the top tourist destinations in the world, that attracts millions of guests every year …and many love stories! So let’s talk about dating in Thailand, more precisely dating a Thai man.
What do you need to know before dating in Thai culture?
Thailand is a Buddhist country with a strong social hierarchy and immutable respect for those who stand above you.
The most important aspect is to ‘save face.’ It might not be important to you what other people think, but it does matter to Thai people.
Jeff T. emphasizes that opinion of society is important:
“Thais are unusually sensitive to public perception and social pressure, so keeping things discreet, respectful and quiet is important. Many Farang [foreigners] don’t do well at that.”
Dating a Thai man
Anurak L. says that Thai men are used to the leading role in relationships:
“Do not try to be like his mother telling him what to do, but behave like his younger sister asking his advice, he will feel important walking with his chest up.”
Anette Z. thinks that Thai guys may not be ready to accept other opinions:
“I realize that Thai men are respectful and selfless if you mix with them although they may appear to be lacking exposure in many areas, like being too opinionated as they can’t accept mistakes.
They fit well with like-minded women.”
Arkaneh U. says that a Thai man has a high ego, which is totally different from Westerners:
“Never admire another guy’s car, if he drives a Toyota, just don’t talk about BMW. If he is a rich guy, driving a Porsche, don’t admire Lamborghini, as simple as that.“
Public Display of Affection
Like in many other Asian countries, PDAs are a big no-no in Thailand.
Steve M. says that showing your feelings in public is not welcomed:
“A quick hug when we meet in public and holding hands as we walk is pretty normal. Sometimes a quick little kiss to the forehead but that it pretty much the extent of PDA’s. Behind closed doors is where the real intimacy occurs. Respect this and don’t force PDAs and you and your partner will be very happy.”
First Date
Greet him/her in a traditional way
Many Europeans or South Americans could kiss on the cheek when meeting (eg. Italian, French, Argentine culture). This innocent gesture may ruin your first date! It would be a good idea to avoid touching your Thai partner in public at all. However, almost every Thai person would be amused if you know how to “wai“.
A man always pays the bill.
Traditional gender roles are deeply rooted in Thai culture, and for this reason in Thailand the man pays the bill!
Anette Z. explains it more detailed:
“The rich and not-so-rich are like heaven and earth but when comes to face value they are hard to beat and will foot the bills at all times. The biggest red flag is— Don’t you pay anything if he knows that it will make him lose face. You may do that after you both go steady.”
Physical Intimacy
Respect boundaries. As we mentioned above, even hugging, and giving a kiss on the cheek may be seen as disrespectful, so don’t force things.
Our last advice refers not only exclusively to first dates, but overall to relationships with a Thai man or woman. Don’t force them to choose between you and their family. Highly likely they will choose the family! Their parents’ wishes and expectations are more important than anything else. More details on that are below.
Family & Marriage
Be ready that your partner’s family will have a great impact on your life.
You need to make some steps towards integrating into their family circle, instead of trying to pull your partner away from it. There is nothing to be offended by. This is not about you, this is all about the way they were raised.
The people who treat their parents well are called “katunyoo“. It is an honour for a child to save this status. In the contrary, those who disappoint their family and don’t follow rules are called “a-katunyoo”. It’s even considered a harsh word in Thailand, so obviously going against the parents’ will could ruin the reputation and position in the community.
So, don’t get irritated if your partner seeks approval or advice from family. Patience and respect would help to avoid conflicts and save your love.
Alex B. adore the way Thai people treat their elderly:
“I really like the way Thai people look after their parents and try to keep the family together…The western way is selfish. I think they [Thai people] should be proud of their heritage.”
With all that being said, meeting the family is an important step that determines how successful your relationships will be.
Arkaneh U. gives some advice for women while meeting parents:
“Thai men love their mothers more than their fathers, a catch is: that mothers are good cooks. The biggest red flag is—Never disclose that you don’t cook and will eat out for the rest of your life. (His mother will hate you for life if she knows about it.)“
If you are entering the marriage stage you will need to be aware of some basic Thai traditions, which are especially important.
One of the important aspects you are likely to encounter is Sinsod which is a bride’s price paid to woman’s family. Similar tradition also exists in South African culture, Indian culture, but there are some specifics.
Dara M. explains how Sinsod works:
“In Thailand, the dowry is the other way around. The groom gives it to the bride’s family. Sometimes, the family will return part of it or give it to the bride, but it’s not always the case…The sin sod is presented to the bride’s parents and they decide if they want to keep it or give it back to the couple to start their new life together. My wife’s family gave it back to us when we got married but my cousin’s wife’s family kept his sin sod, so it isn’t guaranteed that you will get it back.“
It shows the man can take care of his wife, and it is often expected of him to help their wife’s parents financially on an ongoing basis.
You might think this is not relevant for you if you are dating a Thai man. However, you should be aware of it too especially if you are from a country where paying a bride price is not part of your culture. This will help to ensure he is marrying you for the right reasons, and not only to avoid paying the bride price – like this article promotes dating Japanese women to Kenyan men, in case they can’t afford it.
Dating Apps
Here is the list of the most popular dating apps in Thailand:
- Tinder
- Kooup – Dating and Meet people
- Sweetmeet – Dating and Chat
- ThaiCupid
- Thaimatch
Hope you enjoyed our article on dating a Thai man! We would love to know your thoughts or questions in the comments below!
Such a fascinating post. I never thought about the cultural differences when dating other cultures. I have dated British and Russian men, but there weren’t too many differences from American men.
Thanks for the advice however, I am happily in a permanent arrangement. Good luck with the book.
Interesting post. You must know and understand a lot about the local culture before as a visitor trying to date a man in his own country. For Thai I guess are much more examples of Western men dating Thai women than Western women dating Thai men. True?