Dating in Swedish Culture … “Your partner may get offended, don’t do that!”
Did you know, the concept of dating does exist in Sweden? Instead, they have a few other things that might surprise you, like the “lagom” concept!
What do you need to know before dating a Swedish person?
Swedish dating culture, is quite similar dating a British. They have a very similar mentality and approach, even if they have some differences.
Stefan Thyron explain the 5 (+1) stages of Swedish Relationships:
Gintare K.
“Mentality – depends, but as everywhere in the Swedish culture, directness is not a thing. Self-oriented, pragmatic.“
Teo E.
“Swedes are famously very respectful of personal space and privacy. This can get interpreted as being ‘cold’ or introverted, but I really think it’s more about Swedish politeness. This obviously makes it more difficult to find romantic partners.”
Eva C.
“There’s not a lot of flirting going on, people don’t really go out of their way for dates/ date nights in relationships.
More often than not, people end up dating people they’ve known for a rather long time because as we know – Swedish people don’t tend to mix outside of their social circle.”
Just a Brit Abroad explains 5 things to expect when it comes to dating in Swedish culture:
Dating Goals
Unlike in Korean dating culture, in Sweden, people are not looking to get married at a young age,
Tova W.
“Since I’m Swedish, I guess I’m used to the typical Swedish mentality. I don’t find it strange. Some foreign guys I’ve dated, want to talk about marriage only after a few months which is kind of weird to me. Marriage is NOT the goal in my opinion, and you can be in a happy relationship without having to ‘prove’ it with a ring.
On the good side – generally speaking, they are also more ‘modern’ and open-minded in Sweden. Men don’t try so hard to be masculine in the ‘traditional, conservative way’ which is great in my opinion.”
Katharina R.
“Casual dating seems much more common than serious dating, at all ages. And somehow you don’t get married; maybe engaged, but I know folks who have been engaged for more than 8 years and no wedding is planned whatsoever.
Being a foreigner in a Swedish family is not easy sometimes. A lot of adaptation is required from the foreigner’s side.“
Dating in Swedish Culture – Who Initiates?
Both men and women can initiate relationships. However, it’s kind of rare to meet someone who is openly passionate and expresses their romantic feelings toward their partner. It’s total opposite if you are used to dating a Mexican.
Interestingly, most Swedes we interviewed admit that usually they feel intimidated and overwhelmed by the passion and intensity of foreigners. No, they are not shy or conservative. Swedes are more ”slow” when it comes to initiating serious relationships, and many of the young adults (especially in Stockholm) tend to stay single/unmarried for a long time and want to enjoy their freedom as long as possible.
Tova W.
“In my experience, Swedish men are less straightforward and open about their emotions than the guys I’ve met from other countries (for example, southern Europe, South America or Asia).
Which is quite disturbing to me, since I’m quite introverted and passive myself“
Katharina R.
“In my friend circle relationships are more female-dominated than men-dominated, but equality is huge in Sweden.“
Teo E.
“Gender equality is more baked in, so straight women often experience fewer of the romantic behaviours they might expect. Things like men opening doors, taking the initiative, buying flowers, or picking up the check are less common here especially if you’re in the early stages of dating.“
First date: Do’s and Don’ts
The trickiest thing about dating in Swedish culture is that it’s hard to determine the point that could be called “the first date”.
Jakob B.
Similarly to dating in France: “The concept of dating doesn’t exist in Sweden. We don’t really do formal dating in Nordic countries. Swedes are very informal that way, we simply hang out, and if we like each other, relationships develop naturally. This whole ritual where you ask someone out, plan the evening etc., is a bit old-fashioned and doesn’t work here”
- Highly likely, that a girl (guy) who is interested in you will ask to have a “fika” together. Roughly speaking fika is meeting up for a cup of coffee. It is a very common way to socialize in Sweden with workmates, neighbours or family members, so it doesn’t have any romantic implications. It is not a date, even though might seem like one to you. It is an initial step: it may develop into something more serious, maybe not. If things are going well, you may move to other activities like watching movies, barbecuing, having dinners, and hiking which is a good sign.
- The most basic Swedish dating rule insists on splitting your bills. Your partner may get offended by you offering to pay for their coffee or lunch. It’s not seen as a chivalry gesture in Sweden, so don’t do that.
- Swedish dating culture is completely free from showing one’s status. Boasting about the money, wealth or luxury things you own would be seen as rude and inappropriate. Therefore, try to impress your potential partner with something else. Before dating in Swedish culture, it is crucial to understand the “lagom” concept. Shortly it means “having what you need and nothing more”. People like minimalism and balance in all spheres of life.
- Just like dating in Australia, do not dress up too much for the date. In Sweden, avoid wearing eye-catching and glitzy clothes.
- Swedish people are obsessed with outdoor activities and hiking. Sunshine is almost a holy thing for them, so don’t be surprised if your dates will take place not in a cosy restaurant but somewhere in the bosom of nature. Furthermore, don’t forget that there is no bad weather for a Swede:)
Steve G.
“When a Swedish woman says let’s go for a walk tomorrow expect a ten-mile hike!”
Relationship with a Swede
If you have passed the fika stage and find yourself doing outdoor activities like picnics or hiking you are definitely in a relationship. Usually, there is no verbal agreement behind that, it’s something that is seen as granted.
Eva C.
“Dating life varies from person to person obviously, but for the most part – it’s kind of like ‘oh yeah we’re dating, don’t know from when, but we are. We don’t plan on marriage but we’re okay with being partners forever’- no that’s not a bad thing! Just not what you see in romantic movies.”
Contrary to dating in Japan, the gender roles are far from being traditional in Sweden.
Tova W.
“Swedish men don’t expect the women to be housewives, ‘inferior’ or earn less money than the men. For example, it’s also very natural for the typical Swedish man to take care of children, stay at home with the baby and do things that are considered a ‘woman’s work’ in some cultures…“
Moving in Together
When your Swedish boyfriend/girlfriend suggests moving in together, usually, it doesn’t mean you are going to tie the knot soon.
Teo E.
“A lot of people have ‘sambo‘ later in their relationships, a word that basically means “same living area” or “living together”. You can have legal “sambo” which is like a non-religious marriage that gives you marriage-like rights, but I think most people who say they ‘have sambo’ just mean they’re long-term partners. They don’t actually do the paperwork. There are tons of comedies in the US that center around some poor girlfriend trying to make her guy propose – I can imagine it’s even trickier to go from dating to sambo and THEN to marriage years later!“
Popular Dating Sites in Sweden
happypancake.se – the most popular dating site in Sweden. It has nearly 1 million users and it is absolutely free. This site is simple to use and easy to sign up as it doesn’t request anything except your email address. However, as a result the risk of fake profiles are rising.
Match.com – an American dating site with a Swedish branch. It has a free and paid version. Famous for its large user base and a great success rate. The main drawback is that you can’t message other members unless you have a paid subscription.
Motesplatsen – in third place by popularity in Sweden. This site is exclusively in Swedish, so it may be hard to navigate it for a foreigner. Positions itself as an open community that welcomes everyone (so it’s perfect for LGBTQ+ as well ). All accounts are checked, so you can be completely sure that you interact with real people.
Thank you for reading our article about dating a Swedish person! Hope you found it useful. Please share you thoughts in the comments below.
Good insights here! But, the only thing that comes to my mind is that if they plan to be engaged for a long time, and finally get married like at the age of 35-40, doesn’t the thought of ticking biological clock come to their mind? Or is it that they are okay with not having kids as well?