Summary: If you are wondering how to date in Asia or how it is different from dating in America or Europe, in our Interracial and Intercultural Dating Guide we will cover the 9 main differences.
1.) Differences in dating culture (when you date in Asia)
One of the main differences is the dating culture. If you are not aware of the actual differences, you might feel as if it is difficult. Especially if you are from the US.
You are probably used to having physical contact (eg. kissing) very early on in the beginning. In Asia (depending on which Asian country it is), you might find some very conservative.
You might have dates for several weeks without any physical contact. Several of my American male friends even called it outright frustrating.
Then overnight, things could really speed up and before you know it, they are introducing you to their friends and family.
2.) Date to marry
The reason behind this overnight ‘change of speed’ is that when people date in Asia, they date to marry. Not date for love (like we do in Western countries).
You might think: what’s the difference? I date to marry too!
The difference is that when you date to find love, you spend time to gradually get to know each other. Then when you start a relationship, you are testing out life together.
You might move together and want to see if you are compatible to eventually get married.
On the contrary, in most Asian countries, dating to marry means they are actively looking for someone who they are happy to start a life with.
Meaning when you start a relationship, you are planning to get married.
In Vietnam for example, around 70% of relationships end up in marriage. Many people marry their first boyfriend or girlfriend (even though it’s gradually changing).
In Western countries these numbers are a lot lower. Maybe closer to 10-20%.
3.) Date topics
In many Western countries we don’t pay extra emphasis on certain topics.
Asking how many children you want, doesn’t necessarily mean you are very serious. It’s definitely more serious, but not extra extra serious.
In many Asian countries talking about how many children you want, means the person could be very serious about you.
4.) Introducing the parents
In many Western countries, especially in the US and UK, it is often very normal to introduce your date to your parents.
It’s more like introducing a friend and it doesn’t mean you have serious intentions.
When you date in Asia, don’t be put off if your date doesn’t introduce you for a very long time.
In Asia, introducing the parents means you have serious intentions and you are likely looking to get married (and hence seeking their approval).
It’s important and good to know this, if you are not sure whether you are ready for marriage yet.
It might not have any affect on you, but if you break up and your partner already introduced you, it might make them feel especially bad in front of their parents.
5.) Gender roles when you date in Asia
The more you go East, the more defined gender roles become.
Often there is less equality between men and women and more traditional dating becomes.
Picking up someone for a date and taking them home afterwards is very normal.
Men paying (on at least the first date) is very common, if not the norm.
6.) Women look for different values than in the West
As there is a lot more gender equality in the West (at least in a relationship), men and women rely on both of their wages.
Finances are less of a deal breaker in a relationship.
In Western countries, people are often focused on physical attraction, confidence and sense of humor.
On the contrary when you date in Asia, you might be surprised that these are less important.
Often generosity is one of the most important virtue. Education, a good job and good finances are close second.
7.) Curfew when you date in Asia
As many Asian countries are very traditional, most people live at home until they marry (depending on the country).
Often even 3 generations live together.
If you are from a Western country, you might find it this already very difficult, let alone the 11 pm curfew you have to often keep yourself to.
Curfew is probably one of the biggest complaint of my American male friends.
8.) Very hard working
People in Asian countries are often very hard working.
It is not unusual for people to work 12-13 hours a day, 6 days a week. Often, managers get 4 days off a month (Sunday) and others only 2. Yes! From a 31 day calendar month.
So finding time for a date can often feel like a challenge. Especially with the curfews in place.
They are also very family oriented. This will mean that often 1 day at the weekend is spent with family. If they only have 2 days off in a month, that won’t leave too much time for you.
9.) Filial piety
Filial piety (respect for the elderly) is very important. You might find it when you date in Asia, that when parents need help, your date will jump and put their family first.
Don’t take it as you are not import or you are at a second place. They just have a filial piety ‘duty’ to their family.
This is especially true for Asian men. Asian men often look after their parents and women move in with the man’s family to help them.
Asian countries often prefer to have a son for these reasons, so parents will have help in their old age.
We hope you enjoyed this blog post. If you have any comments or you have other differences you would also like us to include, please let us know in the comments below.
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