Now that you understand the different dating cultures, let’s look at some clues to help us identify them. By the end, you should be able to easily know other peoples’ dating style.
Knowing someone’s country of origin can often help us determine their dating style. However, especially in Europe where so many cultures (and dating cultures) mix, it can be a challenge.
Furthermore, with the growth of multicultural cities, immigrants, ex-pats and many people living outside of their country of origin for years, they might have developed their dating culture before moving abroad. Hence it can be confusing.
So let’s look at some clues:
American Style Dating Culture
- Often distant in the beginning.
- Might take a while to reply (can be even days).
- Will rather ask questions about you than tell you about themselves.
- Friendly, but avoids very deep conversations in the beginning.
Strong clues: feels distant (replies rarely and meets rarely), but wants physical intimacy.
When deciding to meet, they might say: ‘I’ll check my schedule’.
European Dating Style
- Very warm and reaches out a lot.
- Replies fast, often within 15 mins or an hour (max the end of the day).
- Will freely tell you about themselves and their day, without you needing to ask.
- Lets you close and they are comfortable with deep conversations even on the first date.
Strong clue: wants to see you a few times the first week or maybe even every day. You might feel like you are already in a relationship, after just the first date.
Asian Style
This style is mix of the American and European Styles as well as depends on the gender of the person. This is because in most Asian countries men and women are not equal in a relationship. There are more defined gender roles.
- When it comes to communication, women are more American style (distant and reply with delay).
- Men are more European Style (they reach out more as they are supposed to chase).
Strong clue: In this style kissing and physical intimacy is rare or non-existent in the dating phase (which could be weeks or months).
Attachment Styles
There is one thing that could really confuse you when it comes to determining someone’s dating style: that is attachment styles.
If you haven’t heard about them yet, we cover them in detail in our Secrets of Intercultural Dating Course.
To give you a brief summary and why they can confuse you:
There are four different attachment style:
We develop these during childhood and they will affect our relationships. Let’s look at their characteristics:
Avoidant Attachment Style: Usually extremely self-reliant and downplays the importance of relationships.
Secure Attachment Style: Can trust fairly easily and in tune with emotions.
Anxious Attachment Style: Struggles communicating their needs directly and tend to act out when triggered (eg. to make their partner jealous).
Why can attachment styles confuse you?
As you can see, attachment styles have many similarities with the different dating styles around the world:
They can confuse you when someone has an American Dating Style, but has a Secure Attachment Style: you might believe they have a European Dating Culture as they are so in tune with their emotions.
If someone has a European Dating Style, but an Avoidant Attachment Style, you might think they have an American Dating Culture. Attachment styles are often more visible than someone’s dating culture.
In this case, if you are getting mixed messages, focus on understanding their dating ‘stucture’ (that we looked in step 1). Furthermore, concentrate more on their actions rather than their way of communicating. Lastly, where they take you on a first date (step 5) might give you more clues.
I hope this article gave you plenty of clues to help you determine someone’s dating style. If you are aware of clues not mentioned above, let me know in the comments below. I’d love to add them.
In the next step, we will talk about the different dating goals: fall in love vs. get married – and how they affect everything from dates to conversation topics. Most importantly, which cultures are which?