Globalization experienced rapid growth with the ease of travel and communication in the 1950s.
Every year millions of people move out of their country of origin.
The internet is flooded with discussions on both its positive and negative effects.
These cover everything from manufacturing to pollution and the environment. However, there aren’t many articles discussing the effect on our dating life.
Businesses and universities research and train cross-cultural communication and management, but who cares about our personal lives? Luckily at How to Date a Foreigner we do!
Dating prior to globalization
Yes, I know… right? Was there even life before Tinder Passport?! Let’s go back a bit further.
Prior to globalization, multicultural cities or countries weren’t that common.
I personally grew up in a very monocultural society. Everyone I knew was a white caucasian Hungarian.
We spoke the same language, had the same culture and were either Catholic or not.
You might think, ok great, but why does it even matter?
Well, looking back now, it made dating a lot more simple.
You looked for someone you found physically attractive and who had a nice complementing personality to yours.
These were only these two factors to it.
Growth of multi-cultural cities
I don’t know if it was just my circle of friends and relatives or if it was fairly typical. However, growing up, I barely knew anyone (including friends’ families) who were divorced.
At the age of 16, I moved to Oxford and several years later to London (both very multi-cultural cities) and suddenly this ratio changed.
I knew more people who were divorced or single parents, than who were actually together.
It struck me.
Why was it that all my Hungarian friends and relatives were together and most of my friends and their families in the UK divorced?
Why is it that the divorce rate in the US is one of the highest in the world?
At the time, I just concluded maybe people in Hungary are so much poorer that they just have to find a way to make it work.
They couldn’t pay their rent and utility bills alone.
This could be still part of it, but the more I researched the more I started leaning toward the differences in culture.
Hungary was very mono-cultural, while Oxford, London and the US are all very multicultural.
Why is culture such an important factor?
Culture is an umbrella term that encompasses the social behavior and norms found in human societies. As well as the knowledge, beliefs, arts, laws, customs, capabilities, and habits of the individuals in these groups (Wikipedia)
When we look for someone with a compatible personality to ours, we tend to totally forget about potential cultural differences.
Some of us might automatically assume the other person has the same culture. We are so used to people behaving in a certain way.
Others might think they know so little about cultures, they don’t even know where to start.
So we assume, we will eventually find out. Then several years later: hello seven-year itch! All hell breaks loose.
I’m not saying this is just because of cultural differences. It can easily be because of personality ones.
However, if you have a very complementary personality or culture and you just have to deal with some issues in the other area, it is much easier to handle it than if neither your personalities nor your cultures suit each other.
Dating after globalization
Multicultural cities! Don’t we all love them? All the interesting people, variety of food, fashion, art and festivals.
Yes, these are all parts of cultures – the visible 10%. On the other hand, 90% of a culture is invisible. See the cultural iceberg below.
Believes, values, family roles, the concept of self or time, approach to raising children, decision-making, problem-solving, and countless other areas are all parts of culture.
Discovering these can be a real challenge and follow several arguments if someone is not aware.
Therefore dating in a multicultural city will bring several challenges along its excitement.
In a multicultural city, people should consider THREE factors instead of two: physical attraction, personality, and culture!
The difficulty is that most people are not aware of cultural differences.
Not long ago, I’ve read about a couple. ‘The love story of the century‘ 😉 They thought they’ve found the one.
Had the attraction and a great matching personality.
After several years together, they have decided to get married.
The day after the wedding, the wife was expected to move in with her husband’s family.
His parents, two brothers and his sister. They divorced two weeks later.
It was a massive cultural difference she wasn’t ready for. Their marriage could have been saved – if they were aware and had they discussed it much sooner.
Globalization …the down side
In multicultural cities, dating could be slightly more difficult as you will need to try and find someone culturally compatible.
Out of ten people who you find attractive, you might only be culturally compatible with three. Whereas in your home country you could be compatible with all of them.
When you are not aware of cultural differences, this could be very challenging.
On the other hand, there are good sides too!
Small cultural differences could keep the relationship constantly exciting and new while being familiar enough to make you comfortable.
Globalization …the ups
People have different types. You might find a lot more of your type in a multicultural city compared to your home town.
Also, you might experience that you weren’t the type of the people in your home town, but suddenly everyone is asking you on a date in a multicultural city. It can go both ways!
Sometimes, there is even a gender imbalance in certain cities and even countries. Occasionally, all it takes is an hour drive North or South.
Use it to your advantage!