The Influence of culture on our relationships is immense and almost unquantifiable. Culture also influences our 5 love languages and how we interpret them.
The world, for centuries, has fought for love, an idea of eternity with the right person. This feeling has been the theme for most books and movies we now read, and the Romeo and Juliet story still hangs in our minds. However, as much as love can seem unending, and overwhelming, finding love outside of your culture can be a tough nut to crack. This is due to the acceptance of the 5 love languages in a different light based on the culture.
In this post, we would look at understanding inter-cultural relationships based on how they cohabit with the different love languages.
What Is A Love Language?
A love language is an explicit classification of human behavior when in love. It represents our demands and needs in relationships.
Why Are They So Important?
We all behave uniquely when in love, we show love differently than other people, and we sure have different requirements than others. This uniqueness and individuality make it necessary that we know which 5 love language(s) we speak. And If they agree with those of our partners, as it would be, at best, a disaster to mismatch love languages.
Ever wondered why your best friend always goes on about the importance of giving in a relationship, while you, on the other hand, are seemingly lovey-dovey and content after hearing sweet words? Well, you might speak different love languages, sorry best friends!
The Five Love Languages
Though man may have been falling in love for a long time, we have one man to thank for making us better understand how we love and how others do. American author and Pastor Gary Chapman wrote the bestseller, The 5 Love Languages®; The Secret to Love That Lasts, in his book, listed the 5 love languages:
1. Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of service
3. Receiving Gifts
4. Quality Time
5. Physical Touch
While you may speak more than one love language, you will most likely have a dominant one, known as your primary love language, then a secondary one. You can follow this link to take a quick to learn your love language(s).
I took mine and discovered Physical Touch as my primary love language at 27%, Quality Time and Words of Affirmation came in at 23% and 20%, respectively.
Culture
No, not pop-culture here!
According to Wikipedia, Culture is an umbrella term that encompasses the social behavior and norms found in human societies, as well as the knowledge, beliefs, arts, laws, customs, capabilities, and habits of the individuals in these groups.
Culture can also be viewed as how you and the people in your environment behave and interact with each other. It also showcases how these sets of behaviors affect and contrast with the world at large.
How Does Culture Relate to the 5 Love Languages?
From culture defined above, we see that our environment influences almost, if not all, aspects of our behavior, even as we tend to portray our individualistic traits.
As our everyday spoken languages, English, Spanish, Xhosa, and all other languages have evolved to resonate with specific groups of people, so does love language. This simplified means people of the same culture will most likely value the same things in a relationship. While this is not to say intercultural relationships are not possible, they are. They exist all around us, and we only care to discuss the uniqueness of such relationships.
Intercultural Relationships
An intercultural relationship is a romantic relationship between individuals who belong to two different cultures or have different cultural experiences.
The term, Intercultural relationship, is not to be confused with intercultural relations.
Does Culture Play a Role in Relationships?
Yes.
A relationship between people from different cultures presents its peculiarities, which, if overlooked, often results in problems that can ultimately lead to such a relationship ending untimely. If a Caribbean man or woman dates a Chinese, Ghanaian, or English, there is no cause to panic! There will be various hurdles to cross, to understand each other’s love languages. As long as they both commit to making the relationship work and understand and respect each other’s culture, they may be in for a fantastic ride. While we want to focus more on 5 love languages and how they affect intercultural relationships, you can read the story of a beautiful couple, an American woman and a Pakistani man.
The Influence of Culture on Our Love Language
We have discussed love language; discussed Intercultural relationships, and now what remains to be discerned is how they affect each other.
Let look at how culture may affect love language.
1. Physical Touch
Physical touch as a love language is about communicating through touch and physical gestures; if your primary love language is this, you most likely will not want a long-distance relationship. Even if you do, it will take a lot of commitment and communication to make it work. Overall it is not advisable.
In Western Culture, physical touch is famous as a love language, and public display of affection is spotted almost everywhere. You could easily walk down your street and see a young couple make out along the street intersection.
Such a sighting is frowned upon often in Asian cultures and African cultures likewise. Challenges could arise in a relationship between an American raised man and a Nigerian woman, and if steps are not taken, a smooth-sailing ship could soon be a wreck. You sure do not want this, and as you may have guessed, we do not too!
2. Receiving gifts
This is often accepted in most cultures, except in peculiar situations where it first has to be presented in a particular manner. In Chinese culture, for example, gifts must be given and received with both hands. You can get more information here about various gift-giving protocols around the world. Also, while some gifts may be acceptable to give in a culture, that may not be the case in another. The Chinese see the giving of a handkerchief as saying goodbye forever, so if you are dating a Chinese man or woman, you want to gift them something else. According to Chinese culture, gift-giving plays a crucial role in its mechanics. Read more about gift-giving in Chinese Culture to understand better.
3. Words of Affirmation
Often cited as the most widely spoken love language, it comes with challenges across cultures. Many of us want to be told we are loved and cared about, as hearing often serves as an affirmation. If you love me, tell me! And tell me often. The challenges of this love language are a bit tricky. It might be appropriate to start using loving words – even as early as the first date – in some cultures. In contrast, some cultures demand that partners get closer and know each other over an extended period before affection can be verbally expressed. You may have to be patient and understanding to make things work in such a situation.
Also, while some phrases and words are acceptable in some cultures, they are never used in some. So if you ever find yourself in an intercultural relationship, you should be cautious and also take the time to learn more about your partner’s culture.
4. Quality Time
Some specific individuals want to spend every minute of every day with whom they love; some require less, some do just fine with a few phone calls and texts. Culture may be responsible for this; in my culture, we place a lot of value on quality time, so an individual from a much-varied culture may find it challenging to cope with my quality time demands. In my experience, it requires talking things through to make such an intercultural relationship work out. Furthermore, long-distance relationships between people with such needs from a different culture may not work out.
5. Acts of Service
These people will say to you: If you love me, show me! Words of affirmation will not be adequate if you are in a relationship with someone who speaks this love language. Many cultures favor this language, and if you are not careful, you just might not be doing enough in your intercultural relationship. What may be termed excessive in your culture might be barely enough in your partner’s and vice versa. So to avoid inadequacies and situations whereby you cross the line, learn more about your partner’s culture by reading or by engaging them in a productive conversation.
Are you in an intercultural relationship?
Even if you are not, you may someday find yourself in one. So, for example, you are a German man who seems to be falling head over heels for an Australian woman; What do you do?
1. Communicate with your partner always
2. Respect the cultural differences and make them understand and respect yours
3. Accept their individuality concerning their cultural demands
4. See a Counselor
The first step to take is to communicate with your partner and let them understand how your culture works. Hopefully, you can reach a consensus and agree on how to work things out.
While we all want to love our partners, it is essential we love them the way they want to be loved and, in return, be loved the way we want to. Hopefully, this article will help you understand your partner’s culture better and teach you to speak each other’s love language fluently. Is anything more beautiful? Maybe not!
Next Step:
Read Next: Emotional Intimacy – When His Culture Considers It Vulnerable
